Kendall led Ben back up the stairs they had descended earlier.  She went to the door he had knocked on previously, opened it quietly, stepped aside and watched as Ben walked quickly to his son.  Shutting the door behind her, she retreated to her own room and cried.

    Ben was anxious as they climbed the stairs to Joseph.  He had no idea how he would approach his son, given the devastating news he had received from the young saloon girl.  He could only think of seeing Joe and reassuring himself he had actually found his prodigal son.

    Once the door was open to the room where his son slept, he could not stop himself from rushing past the young woman.  Ben knelt down on the floor next to the bed where Joe lay in a medicated sleep.  For some reason, Ben felt hesitant to touch his son, as if it would make Joseph disappear again.  He looked at his son’s face.  Present in his boy’s face was the child he had seen delivered into the world.  Also present, was the foreshadowing of the man Joseph would become.  Ben began to weep for his son.

    So much passed through Ben’s mind as he cried.  He felt the hurt of the death of someone he loved, the agony of having a missing child, the relief of having found his boy, and the terrible fear of the unknown, yet to occur between himself and Joseph.  He cried out of the frustration of not knowing how to help his child who was in so much pain.  He felt himself emotionally brought to knees.

    Ben was terrified of his son’s appearance and what it meant regarding Joe’s mental stability.  He finally allowed himself to touch his youngest, and he reached out to his son’s hair.  He moved the hair out of Joe’s closed eyes, as he thought of the numerous, now seemingly petty arguments, he had undergone with Joe regarding haircuts.  Ben knew how to handle that kind of problem as a parent.  But what he faced now was so much greater, and the stakes the very highest: his son’s life.  How was he to know what was best?  How could he make decisions with such incredible consequences?  He prayed for wisdom as he prayed for his son.

    Ben ran his hand over Joe’s cheek feeling the light stubble of Joe needing a shave.  He recalled Joe so young, watching his father shave and asking when it would be his turn.  Ben thought,  “You’ve always been so quick to want to grow up, Joseph.  I wish I could keep you small.  It was so much less dangerous and painful for both of us.”

    Ben slowly began to cry himself out of tears, but remained knelt next to his son.  He needed to get Joe out of Sacramento, he knew that, and he felt it had to be quickly.  “Sacramento,”  he thought.  “What is it about this place that tries to destroy me?  First I lost my land here those many years ago, and now this place is trying to take my son.”  Ben knew the way he felt was not logical, but he could not help it.  He wanted to leave as soon as possible.

    As Ben thought of how he would get Joe out of town, there was a knock on the door.  Ben rose, walked to the door and answered it.  He saw standing before him a tall, gangly man.  “Yes?  Can I help you?”  Ben whispered, hoping not to wake Joe before he was ready to handle him.

    “Well, maybe.  My name is Shelby Butler, and I was wanting to talk to Joe one more time about the money he owed me.”  Shelby began his lie.

    Ben was confused about what this man was saying.  “Joe owed him money?”  Ben asked himself.  He looked behind him to check on his son and reassured himself Joe was still lost to sleep.  “Let’s step outside and talk, shall we?”  Ben said, and moved out to the hall, closing the door behind him.

    For some reason, Ben felt he needed to be between this man and his son.  He had no idea why, but it was a parental instinct, and he was not about to question it.  Ben positioned himself between the man and Joe’s door, determined to make sure the man could not get in.  “Now, what is this about some money my son owes you?”  Ben questioned.

    “Your son?  Joe there’s your son?” Shelby asked, attempting to appear innocent to Ben.  “Oh, well, uh, I don’t think I should be tellin’ Joe’s business.  He probably really wouldn’t want you to know.”

    Ben felt baited.  “What is it you need to speak with him about?  I’m here to take my son home, so I will be tying up any of his business.  If he owes you money, then I shall see that you are paid.  Now what is this about?”

    “Well, Mr. uh… I’m sorry, I don’t think I know your name.”  Shelby probed.  He was wanting to confirm that this man was THE Ben Cartwright he had found information on.  He had discovered that Ben Cartwright was worth quite a lot more money than the thousand dollars he had negotiated out of Kenny.

    “It’s Cartwright.  Ben Cartwright.”

    Shelby hid the smile he felt at the news of the man’s identity.  He had struck the mother-lode.  “Well, Mr. Cartwright, your son owes me quite a bit of money, as well as possibly facing some charges for cheating at cards.  I don’t know a whole lot about it but, the sheriff may have some guys claimin’ your son has set up quite the con game around here.  I hate to be tellin’ you all this, but you asked.”

    Ben recalled watching the card game of the night before.  “So, I did see it right.”  He thought to himself.  “There’s no way Little Joe would be involved in something like that… But, then again, there’s no way I would have believed my son would be involved with the drinking… and even less with morphine.  Do I really know my son?  Can I trust the boy I knew at home to be the one that’s here?”  Ben felt confusion overtake him as he struggled to decide which image of his son to accept.  Or was there another image somewhere in between?

    “How much money?”  Ben finally asked.

    “Five thousand dollars.”  Shelby said, without blinking.

    “Five thousand dollars?”  Ben tried not to let his shock show on his face.  “And these debts, all from gambling?”

    “’Fraid so.  The games here tend to be pretty high stakes, and he drinks quite a bit you know, and well I’ve seen him, uh, you know take a lot of that…”

    Ben interrupted the man.  He did not want to hear this man discuss his son or what his son had or had not done.  Ben had a very bad feeling regarding Shelby Butler.  “Yes, well, that is an enormous amount of money for gambling, and my son has never done something like this before.”  Ben went on to think to himself, “There’s so much Little Joe’d never done before he lost Rebecca.”

    “I feel bad for you Mister, having a son that’s well, you know, a bad seed, and I can understand your concern regarding the amount of money he has squandered.  Maybe we should just let the sheriff handle all of this.  The kid really deserves to learn a lesson.  But I also know those guys who know what Joe did in the card games like him and all and, maybe they could be dissuaded from talking ‘cause they’re leery of the sheriff.  I guess though, he should really have to own up to what he’s done.”

    Ben was beginning to suspect that Shelby was trying to blackmail him. There was innuendo in Shelby’s voice, but the man had not come out and openly said that the men who were willing to bear witness against his son could be bought.  It was not hard to see where Shelby was going with the conversation.  “And if you get the money my son owes you?”

    “Well, I’m a very influential man in this city, and I’m sure I can see to it that these men develop a bad case of memory loss.”  Shelby at last had spoken his demands and was very pleased with himself that he had laid his cards on the table.  He had known enough about Ben Cartwright to know the man had been searching for his son and was willing to pay a price for his son’s return.  Shelby saw the reward money as negotiable and decided that Ben had devalued his son’s worth.  “A thousand dollars was nothing to this man.  Now, five thousand seemed much more fitting,”  Shelby thought.  Shelby was banking on Ben’s willingness to do what was needed to get his kid back.

    Ben stared at the man feeling a rage come over him he had seldom experienced.  This man had placed a price on Joseph’s head and had threatened his child.  There was very little that could drive Ben Cartwright into a white rage, but threatening one of his boys would send him there instantly.  “This man is filth.”  Ben thought to himself as he struggled to contain himself.

    Ben had a decision to make, and he knew he did not have long to make it.  It was only a matter of time before Joseph woke, and he would need to have all of his attention on his child.  But it was obvious to Ben that this man was wanting to extort money from him using his love for his son as the sword over his head.  He was unhappy with what he was about to do, but he also knew once he had Joseph back to the Ponderosa, and, he prayed, back in his right mind, then Ben Cartwright would deal with Shelby Butler in a most fitting and just manner.  He vowed this man would pay.  “I’ll give you your five thousand, Mr. Butler, but you will do two things to get it.  You’ll write me a ‘paid in full’ receipt for my son… uh, my son’s debts, and you’ll have the men who’re accusing my son to write affidavits proclaiming my son’s innocence.  You give me what I want, and you’ll have your money."

    “However, Mr. Butler, I give you this solemn warning.  You threaten Joseph or in any way harm my son, or if I find out you had anything to do with my son’s current state, there is no place you can hide.  I’ll find you, and I’ll see to it that you’re punished, and believe me, you will pay.  I promise you.  I’m a man of my word, and there’ll be NO PLACE I can’t find you.”

    Shelby was taken aback by the intensity of Ben Cartwright’s threat, but his greed drove him to discount it.  He loathed the kid and had really wanted him to see the inside of a prison, or even better be shot down, but the kid’s father had money, and that was Shelby’s primary passion.  He would stifle his desires for the kid’s demise if the dollar amount was right.  It appeared the father of the kid was willing to pay, so Shelby relaxed and became anxious for payment.

    “Mr. Butler, I’ll have your money as soon as possible, and you’ll receive it when I have the documentation I requested.  I’ll go to the bank and arrange for a wire to be placed into your account, AFTER I have what I asked for.”

    “Very well.  Mr. Cartwright, I’m glad to see you’re a reasonable man.  After all, we must all make a living, and your son has really taken advantage of both me and you.  I’m sure you will handle him appropriately, and the law really doesn’t need to be involved.  I’ll have your requested documents shortly.  And, if you were to have the wire for the money sent as soon as possible, our dealings will end shortly.”  Shelby tipped his hat at Ben and walked away.

    Ben felt a cold shiver as though he just made a deal with the devil himself.  This man had in essence made him buy his son back.  There was no price too great that Ben would not pay for one of his boys.  He would hand over the deed to the Ponderosa, if it meant the life of Adam, Hoss, or Joe.  This man had put a price on one of Ben’s children.  He cursed Shelby and vowed he would get even.  No one threatened Ben Cartwright’s child and got away with it.

Ben knew there were several details he had to tie up before he approached Joseph, and they both left Sacramento.  He did not want Joe alone while he went about his tasks.  He knew Joe did not know he was in town, or his son would have never stayed there to be found.  Ben also knew Joseph would be gone again if he caught wind that his father was there  It was painful to accept, but Ben knew Joe was running from everyone, including his father.

    Ben looked to the door next to his son’s room and decided to risk asking for more assistance.  He knocked and was immediately greeted by Kenny.  Ben looked her in the eye and saw her eyes were swollen and red as if she had been crying.  “Excuse me Miss Mac Masters, but I was wondering if I could impose just one more time and ask if you could stay with Joseph while I take care of a few things.  I don’t want him alone, and he mustn’t know I’m here.  He’ll run again, and I can’t let that happen.”
    Kenny was glad Mr. Cartwright had asked her to sit with Joe.  She was wanting a few more minutes with him to try and say good bye.  “Certainly, it’s no imposition.”

    Kenny immediately moved out of her room to the hall.  Ben felt he needed to give her instructions to ease his own mind.  He was very hesitant to leave the saloon, but he had to prepare the wire for Shelby’s money, and wire Adam and Hoss to tell them he had found Joseph.  “Kendall, please come get me immediately if you’ve ANY problems keeping Joseph here.  If he wakes, please do not tell him I’m here.  I will handle him when I return…  Oh, uh, I just remembered.  I saw Joe limping badly last night.  Do you know if he can sit a horse?”

    Kendall had noted the anxiety in Joe’s father, and she wanted to help put his mind at ease.  “Mr. Cartwright, Joe rarely wakes before about five or so.  He’ll be asleep for a long while yet.  If he does wake, I’ll stall him, I promise.  He can’t go very far believe me.  And I’ve serious doubts that he could sit a horse comfortably.  I know he rode all the way here from Nevada, but I think it made his leg a lot worse, and then the attack really hurt him, so I doubt it.  I can see that he’d probably try anyway, but I just don’t think he’d make it very far.  His horse is in the livery just down the street if you’d like to get it as well.”

    “He’s always been a very determined young man, and I know he’ll insist on riding a horse, but I will see to it that he rides in a wagon.”  Ben was stalling, not wanting to leave Joe for a moment.

    “Mr. Cartwright, the sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll be back.”  Kenny said, giving a verbal nudge.

    “Yes, you’re right I guess.  Well, I’ll be back shortly.”  With that Ben reluctantly left his youngest in the care of Kenny.

    Kenny entered Joe’s room and walked over to the bed.  She looked down at Joe as he slept.  She was struck by how handsome he was as he lay there.  He was entangled in the sheets which rested around his waist.  She remembered the previous night and smiled.  He had shown her a world she knew she could not live without ever again.  She had found what it felt like when there was love in the sex, and she now wanted nothing less.  She knew he did not love her, but he was loving someone, and she could feel the difference.  She knew she loved him, and making love with him had made her complete the previous night.  As she looked at him, she thought to herself,  “You look like a Greek god from the drawings in books I’ve seen.  Huh,… my sleeping Adonis.”

    Kenny smiled broadly.  She was so grateful he had come to Sacramento.  It was going to hurt badly when he left, but she had found answers to the journey she had undertaken when she had left her parent’s farm in Ohio.  She had wanted to find herself and she finally had.  It amazed her that it took a kid really, no more than seventeen years old, to teach her what was important.  She knew what she wanted now and would no longer settle for being used by men or for allowing money to be the most important thing to her.

    As Kenny realized she had to tell Joe and his father what she had done, her mood changed.  She knew she could not go on to the new life she wanted without confessing and accepting whatever Joe wanted done with her.  She had to have a clean start.  She began to formulate what she would say to them.  How could she tell this innocent that she had set him up?  How could she tell him, after all he had suffered, that she had played upon that and turned him over to Shelby?  Kenny felt ashamed of herself.  She eventually took a seat in the chair across the room and waited for Joe’s father to return and for Joe to wake.

    Adam and Hoss had been restless as they waited at the Ponderosa.  Neither had wanted to talk about their fears regarding their little brother.  Each had their own nightmare they saw when they thought of how Joe had been the last day either had seen him, but each kept it to himself.

    Adam’s nightmare consisted of Joe having gotten in trouble and sitting in a jail cell.  Hoss’s consisted of Joe laying in a ditch somewhere having been attacked by people who wanted to hurt him, crying and unable to help himself.  Little did the two know that their brother’s situation was somewhere in between.  Part Adam’s nightmare, part Hoss’s.

    Both kept to the running of the ranch and seemed to others to be slightly distracted.  Adam had ridden to the north timber stand, not once, not twice, but three times with the same message.  The hands, aware of the problems currently facing the Cartwright family, given the very healthy rumor mill on the Ponderosa, accepted the message each time as if it was the first they had heard of it.  Hoss had found himself short with the hands, something they had never experienced with the most easy-going of the Cartwrights.  Hoss had barked orders, and the hands forgave him.  It was as if the whole Ponderosa knew things were very wrong, because there were Cartwrights missing and Cartwrights hurting.
 
 

    As Ben went about making arrangements to leave with his son, Joe began to stir.  Kenny was feeling anxious and thought to herself,  “Oh no.  Don’t wake up yet, Joe.  Just go back to sleep.”

    Joe felt sluggish as he stretched in bed.  He had a bad headache and felt as if he had not slept at all.  He dreaded opening his eyes because he knew the day was going to be like every other one to him: meaningless.  He believed he had dreamed of being with Rebecca and longed to go back to sleep; back to her.  He knew though, he would not be able to return to her so easily, so he reluctantly opened his eyes.  He lay there staring at the ceiling unaware that Kendall was in the room.  She did nothing to alert him to her presence as she sat and watched him wake.

    “Geez, my head!”  he said aloud as he immediately reached for the bottle of morphine on the night stand and took a long draw.  He paused a minute, and then took a second long drink, but ran short of what he really needed from the bottle.

    Kenny watched him and shook her head.  Joe definitely had a very serious problem.  She finally spoke,  “You know you CAN start your day without that stuff.”

    Joe jumped when he heard her voice.  “What the hell are you doin’ here?”

    Kenny knew she had to think fast.  “Oh, uh Shelby is on the rampage lookin’ all over for me, so I guess I’m hidin’ out.  Makes two of us now, huh?”  Kenny could not resist adding the sarcasm.

    “Ha ha.  Very funny.  What’s he mad about?”  Joe asked, sitting up and looking at Kenny.  Without thought, he ran his fingers through his hair.

    “Oh, who knows.  Mind if I stay here a while?  If he catches up to me right now there is no tellin’ what he’d do.”

    “I don’t care.  Fine with me, but I gotta get dressed.”

    “So go ahead and get dressed.”  Kenny flirted not taking her eyes off of him.

    “That means you gotta leave for a minute.”

    “But Shelby’s looking for me.  Here, I’ll turn around.”  Kenny said as she stood and turned her back.

    Joe got out of bed, pulled on his pants and was reaching for his shirt when the door opened.  He looked up expecting to see Shelby, but instead he saw his father standing in the doorway.  At first he thought maybe he was dreaming, and he would wake up, but his father ran to him, and embraced him.  He knew then, it was not a dream.

    Ben was shocked to see Joe standing in the room when he opened the door.  He could not contain his joy at seeing Joe awake and standing before him.  He grabbed his son and hugged him tightly as his eyes welled with tears.  Ben felt Joe’s body become stiff in his arms, and his child did not return the hug.

    “Oh, Joseph!  I’ve been so worried.  I can’t believe I found you.  I love you so much, son.”

    Joe pulled away from his father and started backing away from him.  He began shaking his head slowly and eventually said,  “No, Pa.  No, I don’t want you here.”

    Joe had an overwhelming desire to run, but his father was between him and the door.  His heart was beating fast and he felt trapped.  He began to try to formulate some way to get away from his father.  Kenny watched the exchange between father and son.  She saw a father so relieved and thrilled to see his son, and a son so terrified and about to panic.

    “Joe, son, you need to come home.  I’ve come here to bring you home.”

    “Home?”  Joe thought and the panic increased.  “Home?  I can’t go back there.  I won’t go back there.”  He said out loud.  “You’ve wasted your time.  I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

    “Son, let's sit down and talk about it.  I know you don’t want to go home, but you have to.  You’re destroying yourself here Joseph.”

    Joe felt the panic overtake him and he yelled,  “I’m not gonna go anywhere, Pa!  I’m stayin’ right here, and if I want to destroy myself, it’s my business!  I’ll die before I go back there!”

    Ben’s heart skipped as he heard what Joe had said.  “How close you have come to making that threat a reality.”  Ben thought.  He said,  “Son, please let’s talk about this calmly.”

    “There’s nothin’ to discuss!  Get out of here and leave me alone!”  Joe said, knowing full well his father would not leave him.

    “Joseph, please?”  Ben began to beg.

    “No, Pa!  No!  I can’t!  I won’t!  You saw what happened to me!  You saw it!  I can’t keep it all away!  I can’t stop it, and it’ll eventually just take me, and I won’t be able to stop it!  Don’t you get it, Pa?!”

    “I can help you.  You and I can do it together.  I’m not leaving, and I will not give up on you.  Joe, whatever it is, I will fight for you, and I’ll help you fight it.”

    “You’ll help me fight it Pa?!  How?!”  Joe was furious and screamed at his father.  “JUST HOW ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME?!  You gonna bring her back, Pa?!  You gonna make it so it didn’t happen?!  You gonna give me what I want?!  You can’t!  You couldn’t help with Mama, and you can’t help now!”

    Ben was taken aback with Joe’s last statement. What did Marie have to do with all of this?  “Son, please calm down.  We can talk this out.  What is it about your mother?”

    Joe had no idea why he had said what he had about his mother.  He was very confused, and it seemed hard to think.  He felt enraged at his father’s appearance.  “Didn’t you hear me?!  I said I don’t want your help!  I don’t want you to talk to me!  I want you to leave me alone!  You can’t help me!  No one can!  I am just fine here, and you can get outta here and leave me alone!”

    “You are not just fine Joseph.  Look at you.  You don’t even look like yourself.”

    “Pa, I don’t want to look like me anymore! I don’t want to be me! I want to be left the hell alone and for you to go away!”  Joe was reaching a point where he knew he had to act rather than talk.

    Joe bolted forward and attempted to make his way through the space between his father and the door.  Ben blocked his way.  Joe tried to change course but his father grabbed him, putting his arms around him.  Ben Cartwright was much bigger than his son and could easily restrain him.  This sent Joe into a fury.

    “Let me go!  Let me go!”  Joe was actively fighting against his father, and Ben was having difficulty holding him because of Joe’s wild movements.

    “Stop it Joseph!”  Ben said, his voice level reaching that of his sons.

    “No!  You let me go, NOW!”

    Father and son were locked in a struggle each was determined to win.  It was obvious that Joe was becoming more and more irate as he fought with his father.  Kenny decided she would step in to help.  She went to grab Joe’s arm, and without thinking to realize it was Kenny, Joe shoved her away.  Kenny fell backwards over the chair.  The noise of Kenny crying out as she fell, broke the focus between Joe and his father.  Joe stopped struggling with his father and turned and saw Kenny on the floor.  Joe could not believe he had shoved her.  “Kenny!  Oh geez, I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean it!”

    Ben had released Joe when he had stopped struggling, but remained firmly planted in the doorway.  Joe moved quickly over to Kenny and knelt beside her.  She was stunned, but awake.  “Are you okay?  I’m so sorry!”

    “I’m okay, scared me more than anything.  Here help me up.”

    Joe helped Kenny to her feet, and she straightened herself as she stood.  She then started to rub the back of her head.  Joe kept looking at her feeling terrible for what he had done.  “Kenny, I feel awful about what I did.  Here let me look at your head.”

    “No Joe, I’m fine really, but please sit down.  I need to talk to you.  You too Mr. Cartwright.  There is something I need to say to both of you.”

    Joe’s rage had passed due to his concern for Kenny’s welfare, and he was willing to sit.  Ben shut the door and sat next to his son.  However, he remained watchful of his son, knowing Joe could try to leave again.

    “Joe, I have something to tell you, and I know you’ve every right to be angry with me.  This is really hard for me to tell you, ‘cause I feel so ashamed of what I’ve done.”

    Joe was confused.  He had no idea what Kenny was talking about.  He could see she was upset.  “What is it Kendall?  I’m not angry with you.  I’m the one that shoved ya, so you should be angry with me.”

    “No, Joe.  You don’t understand.  Oh…how do I say this?  Joe, you remember the first day you came into the saloon?”

    “Yeah?”  he said, and thought, “vaguely.”

    “Well… um, Shelby and me, we’ve been kinda in business together.  See, you know I told you I’ve been here a couple of years, and Shelby sorta took me in.  Well, I’ve been helping Shelby run a…um… a sorta con game with strangers who come into town.”

    Joe was surprised at what Kenny was saying.  “What sorta con game?”

    “Well we, um, really Shelby, picks out people who he can lure into working for him.  Sometimes without them even knowing it.  Joe, he’s done that to you.”

    “What?  Kenny I don’t understand what you’re saying.  What do you mean?  How?”  Joe showed no emotion in his voice as he asked the questions.

    “Joe… oh, Joe, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.  I helped him, and I let him hurt you.  I know you didn’t deserve anything he did to you, and I’m gonna make sure he pays.”

    “What exactly did he do to me?”  Joe was trying to think over the past weeks.  Much of it was a fog to him, and he was not sure he could remember.

    “I was told by Shelby to approach you that day in the saloon.  You remember?”

    “Yeah, when you were asking all those questions about me.”

    “That’s right.  Well, my job was to find out about you and to tell Shelby what I knew.  You weren’t talking, so I got you involved in the card game.  Shelby had two guys who worked for him in that game, and they made sure you won money.”

    “The game was dirty?”     “Yeah Joe, the dirtiest.  And, uh… Joe, when you went out that night to leave, it was Shelby’s men who beat you.  He told me he was only going to have you robbed, but I figured out later he had you beaten as well.  You were supposed to be robbed so he would leave you with no money, and you’d be willin’ to work for him.”

    Ben was finding it very difficult to remain silent.  He was becoming furious as he heard what had happened to Joe.  “Are you telling us young lady that you helped this… this monster hurt my son?”

    “Yes, Mr. Cartwright that’s what I’m saying, and I have no excuse.”

    Joe sat looking Kenny unsure what to think or feel.  He wanted a drink.  “Why me, Kenny?”

    “Because you look so innocent, and… uh, to be honest, because you’re so out of it most of the time.  Joe, I’m sorry.  I tried to make sure that Shelby didn’t hurt you more.  It was like you were so willing to just drink and…”  Kenny stopped talking and looked at Ben and back at Joe.  “…the morphine keeps you so unaware of everything.”

    Joe was immediately very uncomfortable.  He knew his father was sitting next to him hearing what Kendall was saying.

    “Who gave Joseph the morphine?”  Ben asked, feeling as if he wanted to strangle this woman and Shelby Butler.

    “Well, um, the night Joe was hurt, Shelby told me to go get one of his employees, a Mr. Li, who had the morphine, and Joe started it then.  Shelby’s been givin’ it to him since then, huh, Joe?”

    Joe certainly did not want to talk about his use of morphine with his father.  He felt the need to run again.  He did not answer Kenny, and he turned his head way from her to look at the wall.

    “I feel really bad about all this Joe, and whatever you think should happen I’ll accept.  You need to know Shelby’s had you playin’ in dirty games since the beginning.  You just didn’t know it.  He’s done it a lot of times, and I admit I let him do it.  I’ve helped him.”

    “So Miss Mac Masters, how much of the five thousand Shelby has charged me to get my son back do you get?”  Ben asked.

    Neither Joe nor Kenny knew of Ben’s revelation.  Joe stood and walked over to the window and started looking out.  He knew he should be angry or hurt or at least feel something, but it was so hard for him to feel anything except the claustrophobia.  He watched the traffic on the street below and longed to be down there.  He saw his father’s horse tied to a wagon and the horse he had ridden into Sacramento stood beside the large buckskin.  He knew what that meant, and he also knew he was not going to allow his father to take him back to the ranch.

    “Mr. Cartwright, I have no idea what you are talking about.  I told Shelby I was going to give him a thousand dollars myself if he would stay away from Joe and let you take him away.”  Kenny explained.

    Ben looked at the woman before him and tried to decide if he believed her or not.  The whole situation was very difficult to understand or accept as real.  Ben then looked over to Joe and saw him staring at the street below.  “Joe, do you know anything about any of this?”

    Joe did not remove his eyes from the street as he spoke.  “No, I don’t, but Kenny’s been real good to me, so I’d believe her.”  Joe answered his father, but then had a question of his own.  “Pa, how’d you find me?”

    Kenny spoke up,  “I told him you were here.  There were some hands down in the saloon who recognized you, and I wrote your father.  For that I won’t apologize.  You need him to help you.  Shelby was going to have you arrested, and you’d go to prison.  I couldn’t let that happen.  You’re a mess Joe, and you’ve got family who love you and can help.”

    “Prison.”  he thought  “Go to prison?  I’m in prison already, so what does it matter?”  He said,  “Kenny, I’ve told you over and over; I didn’t want help;  I didn’t need help, and I wanted to be left alone.”

    “Joe, you’re headed down a very dangerous road with the way you are acting.  You have NO idea what you have gotten yourself tangled up in.  Shelby is rotten to the core and willing to do ANYTHING to get money.  He takes special delight in stripping a person of all they have and then crushing them.  And you have created a huge problem for yourself with the morphine.  Did you know that you can’t just stop that stuff?”

    “Again with the morphine!”  Joe thought, and asked himself,  “Wonder what Pa knows?”  He said to her, “Kenny I don’t have a problem with morphine, and I can quit anytime.  I just don’t happen to want to.”

    Ben was intently watching the exchange between Joe and Kenny.  He had so many fears regarding Joe’s well being.  “Kenny, what do you mean Joe can’t just stop?”

    “I had a talk with Mr. Li about this the other day after I knew you were coming Mr. Cartwright.  He told me that something happens to people who stop taking the stuff.  They get very, very sick.  They go though all kinds of horrid stuff from the sounds of it.”

    Ben was now beyond fear.  What was going to happen to Joseph?  “Did he tell you specifics?”

    “Will you two just quit talkin’ about this!”  Joe jumped in, his irritation obvious.  It’s no one’s business but mine, and I’ll be just fine.”  Joe was not sure he really believed what Kenny was saying, and if she was right, he wanted to hear it even less.

    “No Joseph, we are going to talk about this.  What will happen to him, Kenny?”  Ben asked while looking at his son.

    “Well, he said that after someone has taken that stuff for a while, it’s like they have to have more and more of it.  They take it and take it, and then when they stop, they get really sick, like they have the fever or something.  He said it lasts for days and the person is out of their head for a while.  He said that Joe here is going to have a real bad time when he stops.”

    Joe turned from the window and looked at his father.  He could see the concern on his father’s face and felt a pang of guilt.  He was conflicted between what he wanted to do to himself and what he wanted for his family.  It was all so mixed up in his head, and he struggled to make sense of it.  He was afraid of his head and what happened to him if he did not have the medicine.  He knew his father was going to take it away from him, and he did not know if he would survive his own thoughts.

    Ben knew he was headed for an incredibly difficult ordeal with Joe and that Joe was going to fight him every step of the way.  “Son, I want you  to come with me to the doctor here in town and let him get a look at you.”

    Joe looked at his father wondering how he was going to get away.  He knew he could not outrun his father for any distance.  He would have to wait for an opportunity.  He also knew he did not want to see a doctor and felt the doctor would probably only make the situation worse for him.  “All I need is some doctor telling Pa more stuff like Kenny already is, and he’ll never let his guard down enough for me to get away.”  He said to his father,  “Pa, I don’t need a doctor.  I’m fine.”

    “No you will do as I say.  You need to have your leg looked at and I want to talk to the doctor about the best way to help you.”

    “I said I don’t need a doctor.  My leg is fine.  I can take care of myself.”

    With that phrase Ben lost his temper,  “You can take care of yourself?  You can?  Oh yes Joseph, you have done such a fine job taking care of yourself so far.  Look at you.  Would you just look at you!  You have managed to create an enormous problem and it did not have to be this way.  You ran off and left your home for this?!  You really want this?!  You can’t be telling me that!”

    Joe did not want the life he had at home and he did not want the life he was currently living.  He wanted to be living the life he had before it all went so bad for him.  He wanted to turn back time.  “Pa, if I’ve made a mess of my life, it’s my life!  I left home because I couldn’t stay there, and if I can’t stay here then I’ll leave here as well, but I will not go back!”

    Again father and son were escalating in their intensity.  Joe defiantly looked at his father, and his father held firm to the look he held on Joe.  “Son, you’ll do as I say, and I say you’ll see the doctor.”

    “And if I refuse?”

    “If you refuse I will have Kenny go and bring the doctor here.  Either way son.  The choice is yours.”

    Joe stood thinking.  He had to decide the best way to handle his father, so he could eventually break free of him.  Joe glanced at the window and formed his plan.  “I’ll go with you, but Pa I want you to know something.  There is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind about goin’ back there.”

    Ben felt he would cross that bridge just as soon as he had some guidance from the doctor.  “Well, Miss Mac Master’s can you show us where the doctor is in this city?”

    “Certainly.”  Kenny agreed.

    Joe finished getting dressed, and then Kenny led the way out of the room.  Ben kept firm hold on Joe’s shoulder as father and son descended the stairs.  As the three were walking out of the saloon, Joe saw his opportunity.  Ben was to Joe’s left and behind him.  Kenny was in front of him.  He saw there was a man standing off to his left, and the man appeared quite drunk.  As the three exited the doorway of the saloon, Joe spotted his horse and eyed the distance he would have to make to get to the animal.  He felt he could do it.  He knew he had to try.  It was not an effort of rational thought, but of desperation.

    Joe stopped walking suddenly, and his father bumped into him, throwing Ben slightly off balance.  Joe then gave a hard shove to his father, throwing Ben into the drunken man.  Both Ben and the man tumbled to the ground, and Joe quickly dropped the crutches and made himself run to the horse.  He was relieved to see the reins were tied so all he needed to do was give a quick pull and the horse was free.  He threw the reins over the horse’s head and mounted the animal in one swift motion.  He jerked the horse’s head away from the wagon and kicked the animal as hard as he could.  The horse almost reared as it bolted, and Joe was away.

    Ben was intent on keeping hold of Joe, but had loosened his grip after Joe had so suddenly stopped.  Joe’s shove had thrown him off balance, and he watched his son run away as he fell into the drunk man.  There was a momentary wrestling match between Ben and the man, with Ben trying desperately to get the man to let him go so he could take off after Joseph.  Ben cried out,  “Joe!  Stop!”  to the rapidly disappearing form of his son.

    Ben was able to disengage from the drunken man and ran to his horse.  He quickly mounted and turned Buck in the same direction Joe had left.  He kicked his horse and was off, again in pursuit of his lost child.

    Joe knew he had very little head start on his father, and he had to make the best of it.  He was wishing he had Cochise because of her speed.  He knew Cochise could out run Buck, but he had no idea how the horse he rode would do.  He prayed he would at least be able to keep the lead with which he had started.  As he rode he felt the pressure on his leg but was relieved there was morphine in his system to deaden the pain.  He did not stop to think that the morphine would eventually wear off.

    Kenny had stood and watched Joe’s escape and his father’s pursuit.  She knew that Joe could only get so far before he was going to be sick.  She felt she had to follow and help them.  She owed that to Joe and to Joe’s father.  She went over to the wagon and climbed aboard.  She led the team out following behind the racing horses.  She knew they would be far ahead of her, but she hoped that she would either eventually catch up to them, or the father would catch the son, and they would be turning back, and she would meet them on the road.  Anyway she could be of help to Joe or his father she was willing to do.  She felt she owed them.
 
 

    Adam and Hoss made a point to begin tracking Cochise.  The land of the Ponderosa had various types of terrain and the herd of horses Cochise ran with tended to remain primarily in the valleys.  The herd had been there long before the Cartwrights and it traveled freely along the land.  The Cartwrights would thin the herd from time to time and gather several that they would make riding stock, but for the most part the horses were there as part of the land itself.  Each Cartwright had at various times found it an amazing sight to watch as the animals thundered over the ground.

    There was no sight of the herd the first days they looked for them.  Both men would work a hard day at the ranch and then head out to hunt the herd.  They would come home tired and were greeted by a doting Hop Sing.  Hop Sing had been relieved when he had heard Joe had been found, but his heart said that the ordeal was far from over.  He knew as did the rest of Joe’s family, that Joe had been very  distraught and irrational when he left.  He prayed the boy’s father could reach him and bring him home.

    In order to help ease the suffering of everyone, Hop Sing doted on Hoss and Adam.  He cooked lavish meals and tended to their every need.  Hoss and Adam had noticed it and each had thanked the loving cook for being so good to them.  They knew Hop Sing was hurting too.

    On the fourth day of looking for the herd, Adam spotted them and quickly gave chase.  The horses were rather far off in the distance, and he had a lot of ground to cover to reach the grazing animals.  Sport stepped on a branch, and it’s breaking alerted the stallion, and the herd was quickly running away.  Adam cursed his luck and continued after the rapidly departing animals.  He saw Cochise towards the front of the herd and knew he would not catch up to her.  He had to pull up his horse and watch Cochise run.  He had no way of knowing at that same time his brother was running from his father.

    Joe was on the trail a number of hours and had ridden hard, pushing the horse more than he knew he should, but he was beginning to feel panic come over him.  He was feeling restless and agitated and had no idea why.  Part of him wanted to stop the horse, wait for his father to catch up and have it out with him.  But another part told him that it was unwise, and he needed to keep moving.  Joe was beginning to sweat hard, although the temperature was cool.  The longer he rode, the more he felt as if he was coming down with an illness.  It had a gradual onset, and he tried to concentrate on the trail ahead of him.  He had felt the morphine wear off soon after leaving town, and he was much more aware of his leg.

    Ben remained in pursuit of Joe and prayed something would allow him to catch up to his son.  He knew his son was an excellent rider and would push himself and the horse as hard as he could.  He hoped that Joe’s horse would tire before Buck and was grateful Joe was not on Cochise.

    The longer he traveled, the worse Joe felt.  He was beginning to feel nauseous and was unsure he could keep up the pace.  He felt as if he was a wire drawn tight becoming more and more tense and restless.  He thought of what Kenny had said in the room when she had spoken of his getting sick and said to himself,  “No!  You will not get sick!  Keep going!  Just keep going and it will pass!”  He had this thought over and over as he used it to focus upon, rather than the very ill feeling that was overtaking him.  What he did not realize was he had slowed his horse.  He was more focused on how he felt and it allowed the tired animal to back off of the pace at which Joe had been traveling.

    Ben had no idea that Joe was slowing and he kept Buck running as much as possible, only backing off to a trot when he felt he had to in order to save his horse.  He followed the trail and could see the fresh hoof prints of a running horse.  He knew it had to be Joe.  He was certain his son would not stop unless outside forces intervened.  He had not long to wait.

    Joe felt his stomach seize and the cramp was intense.  It grabbed him hard and he almost fell of the horse.  He knew he was going to be sick and lost focus of his riding.  The horse slowed as Joe struggled to remain in the saddle and hold down the illness.  He eventually gave in and pulled up the horse.  He half dismounted, half fell off of the horse and was doubled over, violently ill.  He heard the approaching horse and thought,  “Well you tried,”  as a cramp grabbed him again.

    As Ben rode he could see the horse stopped in the road.  His heart skipped a beat as he thought Joe had been thrown.  As he neared the horse, he saw Joe off to the side bent over, head down.

    “Joseph!”  Ben called as he quickly dismounted Buck and ran to his son.  Joe had not moved, as Ben ran to him.  Joe was slowly rocking back and forth trying to calm his stomach.

    “Son, are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

    “I got sick s’all.  I’ll be okay in a minute.”  He said, praying that would indeed be the case.

    Ben realized what the young saloon girl had told them would happen to Joe had started.  He had no idea how long he had been chasing Joe, but he knew it had been a while.  “Son, I think what Kenny talked to us about is happening to you.”

    “No it’s not, Pa.  I just pushed too hard with the horse and it made me sick.”  Joe said knowing full well that his riding had nothing to do with becoming ill.  He tried to slow his breathing as his father put his hand on his back.

    Ben reached for his son for two reasons.  The first to comfort Joe, and the second to hold on to him so he would not run again.  “Joe, take it easy now, you need to just settle down and relax some.”

    Joe knew his father had caught him and he was again trapped.  He did not realize where the nervousness was coming from, but he was feeling anxious and his father’s arm on his back began to bother him.  “Pa, please leave me alone a minute.”

    “No I’m not going anywhere.  Not with that fool stunt you pulled.  I’m staying right here with you.”

    “Please leave…” Joe could not finish his sentence before he was sick again.

    Both men stayed as they were and did not speak.  Joe felt the nausea lessen and sighed.  He wiped his sweating brow and finally stood up straight.  He was tired.  Ben watched Joe, his face showing his concern.  “Joseph, you’ve got to stop this foolishness now.  You’re in no shape to continue to fight with me.  Just stop it.”

    Joe looked at his father.  He knew he had to stop running for the moment.  He knew he had to give in.  His leg was aching, and his stomach turned.  Joe felt his fear as he thought to himself,  “Oh no.  What do I do now?”  He said to his father,  “I give up, Pa.  You got me.”

    “Well son, I hate it that you look at it that way, but I’m glad you’ve stopped running.”

    Joe justified to himself he would wait until an easier time to escape.  He knew he and his father had several days on the trail back to the Ponderosa, and he would bide his time until there was a better opportunity.  Finally, the wave of nausea passed all together, and he breathed a sigh of relief.  He was hoping that was the end to the misery.  He hoped wrong.

    After gathering himself back together, Joe turned to his father and asked,  “So what happens now?”

    “Well I think we should head back to town.  We can probably just make it before dark.  The horses are tired, and you’re not in any shape to ride hard, so we need to take it easy and head back.”

    Joe walked over to the bay and mounted up.  Ben saw his son wince noticeably and asked,  “Joe, you sure you can ride?”

    “Well, doesn’t look like I have much of a choice.  I’m okay.”

    Ben saw a dejected look on Joe’s face, and although he knew he was doing what was right, he felt bad that his son was only going with him because Joe had admitted defeat.  Ben told himself that the days on the trail back to the Ponderosa would allow him to get through to Joseph.  He knew he had to break through the wall of hurt and pain Joe had built if he ever had a chance of getting his son back, and his son regaining the desire to stay alive.  Ben was cautious of Joe because of his having run before, but he also saw his son had surrendered to going with his father.

    The two started the long trek back to town.  Joe did not talk as they rode.  He would feel waves of nausea and then it would pass.  He frequently had to wipe his brow and was feeling as if he was getting a cold.  His eyes and nose watered.  He could see out of the corner of his eye his father watching him.  It made him uncomfortable.

    Ben continued to eye Joe as they rode.  He desperately wished that Joe would talk to him.  He knew that he would have to instigate conversation, but was reluctant to go through the same exchanges that he had experienced with Joe since the accident.

    Finally Joe had reached a point of irritation where he could not hold it in.  He did not know why he was so anxious, but he was tired of his father looking at him.  “Pa, would ya please stop lookin’ at me.  I ain’t goin’ no where.  I told you, I give up.”

    Ben looked at Joe and saw Joe was looking green.  He was beginning to wonder if he could get his son back to Sacramento before nightfall.  Ben thought “If Kenny is right, then Joe is going to get worse, maybe a lot worse.”  Ben pushed his horse a little faster and said aloud,  “Joe it is obvious that you are not feeling too well.  Do you need to stop?”

    “No, lets keep goin’.  Get it over with.”  Joe said in a harsh tone, all the while not looking at his father.

    Soon after Joe spoke those words, he was again seized with a cramp that made him draw up his horse.  He tried to keep breathing as he felt the nausea overcome him again.  He had to get off his horse and quickly dismounted.  Again he was violently ill and knew he could not get back on the animal.  He gave in to the feelings of being ill and collapsed onto the ground.  “Pa, I don’t think I can do it.”

    Ben was immediately next to Joe.  “It’s okay, we’ll figure out something.”  Ben knew he had no supplies with him, but he also knew Joe could not go on riding a horse.  He was getting sicker.  Ben could see it.  Joe was sweating profusely.  His son was looking more and more ill.  The cold signs Joe had developed made Ben briefly flash to the time Joe had developed a cold and then milked it for all it was worth to stay out of school.  Ben found himself wishing that was all he was facing.  He knew he was headed for more dark times with his youngest and it made him worried.  He said,  “Joseph, it’ll be all right son, you’re gonna be fine.”

    Just then they heard horses approach.  Joe was unable to look towards the approaching animals.  He had decided he would focus all of his attention on the ground under him.  Joe was starting to get concerned with how he was feeling.  He had been able to keep the sickness away, but it took a lot of concentration, more than he felt he could continue to give.  He asked himself,  “What happens when I let go?  What happens when I can’t stop it?  Was Kenny right?  What’ll happen to me?”

    Ben looked up to see the approaching wagon.  He was relieved to see the saloon girl.  She had come to their rescue.  As she approached, Kenny could see Joe on the ground and his father next to him.  She thought to herself,  “It must have started already.”

    “Kendall, are we ever glad to see you.”  Ben called out as she pulled the horses up.

    “Looks like you need some help.”  Kenny said climbing down from the wagon.  “Joe, you okay?”

    “Uh, um, yeah I think.”  Joe’s tone indicated he was not at all sure he was okay.

    “Son, lets get you up in the wagon and we can head back.”

    “Yeah, uh okay.”  Joe really did not want to move from where he was and dreaded riding in the wagon.  He was confused with the physical feelings he was experiencing.  He was anxious and wanted to move around for that reason, but he did not want to move because of the nausea.  He was not sure which part of him would win in his dilemma to find what would make him most comfortable.

    Ben helped Joe to his feet, and he slowly made his way to the wagon with his son.  As Ben assisted his son, he felt Joe shaking slightly.  “Son, we can stop.”

    “No I can do it, Pa.”  Joe responded, not really sure what he was saying was true.

    Joe sat in the seat next to Kenny, and the three began to head back to Sacramento once more.  Joe wanted to cry out several times.  He was angry and scared and hurting.  The wagon ride was no better than being on a horse, and he did not have any idea how he could hold on, but he vowed he would try.  He would not let his father know he was hurting as bad as he was, because then his father would know that he had a problem with the morphine.  He did not believe he did and refused to accept that it was any different.  He was not willing to entertain the idea that he had a problem, so he tried to will himself out of the withdrawal.

    Joe was fooling no one but himself.  Kenny and Ben could see that he was hurting and he was trying to hide it.  Both felt afraid of what would happen to Joe as his body went through the loss of the substance that had kept him so unaware of his feelings.  They had no idea what was in store and if they did, it would not have helped them.  All three felt as if they were on a run away horse riding towards an unknown destination.  Each was scared, but for very different reasons, and each would discover more about themselves when the horse finally stopped running.  They would each have lost something, each of them, but they would have found something much richer.
    They headed back to town.  Kenny thought about what Mr. Li had shared with her that she had been unable to communicate with the Cartwrights.  She knew Joe was going to get much sicker, and it would be very scary for Joe, his father, and even Kenny herself.  Ben focused on his youngest child.  He would take the pain away in an instant if he could negotiate with God and could take Joseph’s place.  He would do it without thinking twice.  His son meant that much to him.  Joe thought of how bad he felt and the pain in him was justly deserved.  He thought of how he had been responsible for Rebecca’s death and then had tried to escape thoughts of her and felt guilty.  He believed he was now being punished because he could not handle the guilt nor the pain.  He viewed God at that moment as a punisher.  He saw God as a God keeping score, and he was due punishment for the killing of his love and his choice of the ways he coped.

    They rode along until Joe again could not tolerate it.  “Kenny stop.  Please stop.”  Joe said as he was seized by the cramping.  He could not tolerate moving in the wagon anymore.  As the wagon came to a halt, Joe doubled over.  The stopping of the movement helped him some, but he found the cramping to be getting more intense.

    Ben knew they had gotten just about as far as they were going to.  He rode Buck up next to the wagon and looked on his son with great concern.  His eyes meet Kenny’s and both knew what the other was thinking.  They were in big trouble.  Joe was going to have to ride out the illness where they were.

    “Joe, son, you just sit tight here with Kenny.  I am going to look around some and see if I can’t find us a place to hold up.”  Ben was reluctant to leave Joe, but they would quickly be losing light and he needed to get them some place with shelter.  “Kenny, take care of him.  I’ll be right back.”

    With that Ben rode away to scout out a place for them.  Kenny sat with Joe and tried to think of something to help him.  Joe kept his head down and tried to brace himself against the next pain.  “Joe, you’re going to be okay.  Mr. Li told me you would.  Can I do anything to help?”

    “No, ‘less you got morphine on you.”  Joe said softly.

    What Joe did not know was Kenny did have a bottle of morphine with her.  She had the bottle she had shown Joe’s father earlier and had not taken it from her pocket.  She was unsure what she should do with it and thought that maybe if Joe was too sick or was in danger of dying she could give it to him to help.

    “Besides, that Joe.  You need anything?  How ‘bout some water?”

    The thought of actually eating or drinking made Joe’s stomach turn.  “God no, Kenny.  Don’t talk about that.”

    “Joe, you need to drink some water.  Here I gotta canteen right here.”  Kenny said reaching for the canteen.  “You gotta get something back in you.”

    “Kenny, I can’t.  It makes me sick just to think about it.”

    “Joe try.  You’re gonna need it, uh… later.”

    “Why Kenny?  Why later?”

    “Uh, Joe I’m just thinkin’ of you keepin your strength up.”

    “You don’t lie very well Kenny.  Don’t worry ‘bout it.  I’m doin’ better already and it’ll pass in a few minutes.  I’ll be fine.”  Joe tried to say with more conviction than he felt.

    “Now just who doesn’t lie very well?  Here drink.”  Kenny handed Joe the canteen.

    He took a small swallow and was able to hold it down so he drank more.  Kenny and Joe sat in relative silence as they waited for Ben to return.  The time lagged and both were lost in their own thoughts.  They were brought back to the present when they heard the sounds of horses hooves.

    Ben appeared with a smile on his face.  “Well we are in luck.  I have found an old hunting cabin not too far away.  I checked it out and we can hold up there tonight.  Joe you doin’ okay?”

    “Uh, yeah Pa.  I guess.”

    Ben took the lead and Kenny followed.  The cabin Ben had found was nestled in a beautiful meadow.  There were tall pines surrounding it and a small stream flowed behind.  The sun was beginning to set and the trees filtered the light, giving the cabin a glow.  The travelers  pulled up and stopped.  Joe slowly dismounted the wagon and limped into the small house.  He felt the need to sit, so he deposited himself in a chair and starred at the fireplace.  He wondered what would become of him.

    Ben went about unloading the supplies that were in the wagon and tending the horses.  He remained ever aware that Joe could run away as soon as the opportunity presented itself, so he was determined to make it difficult for his youngest.  Ben led the horses away from the cabin to tie them for the night.  He had found an open area behind the cabin and he strung a line and left the horses to graze.  He took the tack and placed it behind the wood pile at the back of the cabin.  He felt bad he had to hide the horses and tack from Joseph, but he would not risk losing his son again.  With that done, Ben left to hunt game for dinner.

    As Kenny went about looking for things to cook, Joe began to wander around the cabin.  He could not find a place where he was comfortable.  He was beginning to shake and his stomach turned.  He would catch a cramp and would tighten up in response to it.  He ended up pacing back and forth occasionally wiping off the sweat on his brow.  He found it odd that he was sweating and yet starting to feel very cold.  His leg hurt to walk but he felt as if he had to keep moving.

    Kenny watched Joe and thought he looked like a caged animal.  “Joe, why don’t you have a seat and rest for a while?”

    “’Cause I don’t want to.”

    “You’re making me nervous with all that pacing.”

    “You’re nervous!”  He thought.  “It feels like I’m gonna come right outta my skin.”  He responded.  “Uh, I just feel like I gotta be movin’, Kenny.”

    “Well then here.  Peel these potatoes.”

    “I don’t want to peel potatoes.”  Joe snapped.

    “Come here and do it.”  Kenny ordered.

    Joe rolled his eyes and walked over to her.  He started peeling potatoes and would pause every so often as a wave of nausea hit.  Kenny watched him out of the corner of her eye.  She wanted to go to him, put her arms around him and help him through the ordeal, but she kept her distance.

    Joe attempted to focus on what he was doing and ignore everything he felt.  He needed to keep moving, so peeling potatoes helped him.  Before long he had peeled every one in the sack.  Kenny started to laugh,  “Hey Joe, ya think ya did enough of ‘em.  We’re gonna have a lot of potatoes tonight.”

    Joe did not answer her as he put down the knife and walked away.  He had to find something else to keep himself occupied.  He was walking towards the door as his father walked in.  “How’re ya’ feeling son?”  Ben asked with concern.

    “Oh just grand, Pa.”  Joe said sarcastically.

    “Where’re you going?”

    “Out.”

    “Why?”

    “Do I need a reason?”

    “Yes, you do, son.  You’re not going anywhere without me.”

    “Fine then.  Would you like to join me outside?  I gotta get some air.  I gotta get outta here.”     Ben immediately turned and joined his son outside.  Joe limped around looking at the various items left by others who had stayed in the cabin.  He came upon an ax and some large logs stacked against the cabin.  He picked up one of the logs and placed it on the chopping block.  With ax in hand he began cutting the wood into smaller pieces.  This allowed him again to concentrate on something and kept his mind off of how he felt.  It worked only for a short time until the cramping intensified.  Joe had to stop and give in.  Ben was quickly beside Joe, which made him angrier, and Joe threw the ax down and limped back into the house.

    The rest of the evening was spent in a very similar fashion.  Joe was anxious and tense and it took little to set him off.  He was unable to keep his supper down and was quickly ill.  He then went about pacing and snapping at Kenny and his father.  Both tried to make it bearable, but both knew at some level Joe was going to feel the pain of the loss of the drug.

    The three claimed their own place within the cabin and each went about keeping themselves busy.  Ben had found a book that looked interesting and had picked it up to read after he realized any conversation with Joe was going to result in him being snapped at, and Joe angrier than he already was.  Kenny too was giving Joe wide berth and was trying to determine what she could do as far as clothing was concerned.  She had run off so quickly behind the two men that she had not been able to grab anything to make her stay a little less rustic.  As she looked around, Joe watched her and eventually asked, “What are you lookin’ for?”

    “Oh, just something to change into.  I’d like to get out of this dress.  It’s not real practical around here.”

    “Just a second.”  Joe said digging through some stuff on the bed.  He produced a pair of pants and a shirt.  “Here these are probably too big, but you can see if they fit.”

    Joe handed her a set of clothing his father had gotten for him.  “Thanks, Joe.” she said smiling at him.

    He stared at her blankly and said nothing.  Ben had watched the exchange and said,  “Come on Joe, let's step outside and give her some privacy while she changes.”

    Ben and Joe made their way outside and waited for Kenny to call them back.  When she called them, she had not meant for Joe to enter as quickly as he had.  She had in her hand the bottle of morphine and tried to hide it from him.

    Joe entered and moved over to the bed and sat.  He was shaking and finding it hard to not think about how ill he felt.  He continued to have to wipe sweat away.  He looked over to Kenny and thought she was acting strangely.  She kept looking at him and she seemed to have something in her hand.  She smiled at him when Joe looked at her.  Joe did not smile back at her, but tried to figure out what she was up to.  He lost interest soon after and attended to the fire, but then he saw her out of the corner of his eye.  She had a bottle in her hand placing it behind a jar in the kitchen area.  Joe thought to himself,  “No, it’s not what I think it is, is it?  She brought some?  She did!  Oh, geez, I need that bottle.  No wait.  Uh, Joe stop thinking about it.  Just stop!  You can’t!  Forget it.”  Joe told himself.

    Kenny looked back at Joe and was unsure if he had seen what it was she had hidden.  She knew he would want the morphine if he knew about its existence and had tried to make it difficult for him to find it.  She was unaware he had seen her hiding place and had plans to get it.  It was one more struggle Joe would endure that evening.

    Eventually the three turned in for the evening.  Ben and Kenny fell asleep while Joe laid trying to sleep.  He had reassured his father that he was okay and that Ben should get some rest.  Joe was tired of his father watching him and was relieved to have his father and Kenny asleep.  As the time passed and sleep would not come, Joe moved from feeling hot to cold and the sickness ebbed and flowed.  He could not get his mind off of the morphine he had seen Kenny hide.  He tried everything he knew of not think of it, not desire it and not need it.  The cramping and shaking were getting worse, much worse, but he had hid it’s severity from his father and Kenny.  He lay in bed trying to make it go away.  He counted up to one hundred.  He did math problems, which he loathed, and he thought of how to break horses.  Nothing took his mind away from the thought that there was morphine just steps away, and he needed it.  He eventually gave in.

    Joe made himself get quietly out of bed.  He worked his way over to where he had seen Kenny hide the morphine.  He was shaking violently by the time he reached the treasure’s hiding place.  Joe put his hand on the bottle and breathed a sigh of relief.  “Got it.”  he said to himself as his hand grabbed hold of the vial.  Joe pulled the cork and began to drink.  He tasted the familiar relief and began drinking heartily.  Just as he felt the tension waive, the bottle was slapped out of his hands.

    “What are you doing?!”  his father’s voice boomed.

    Joe did not realize what had happened at first.  As he realized that the morphine was gone, shattered against the wall, the rage overwhelmed him and he attacked.  “DAMN YOU!”  Joe said swinging at his father.

    Joe was not totally cognizant of the fact that he was attacking his father.  He was out of control and wanting to experience the relief of the medication he believed he had to have.  Ben felt the blow land on his cheek and instinctively grabbed for Joe.  He felt Joe pull back and Ben lunged forward.   Joe struck again, landing a painful blow on his father.  Ben finally grabbed hold and held Joe’s left arm.  From there he was able to reel his son in.  Joe was furious.

    “Let me go!  Let me go, DAMN YOU!”

    Ben held on and moved Joe closer to him.  He knew his son was out of control.  He could feel Joe bucking furiously and fought to get his son under control.  Joe was determined to strike out and was thrashing about.

    “STOP IT!”  Joe screamed.  “LET ME GO!”

    Joe’s anger was also tapping energy in his body.  He would not be able to fight long, but as he was able he went forward full force.  He was afraid and hurting.  He thought the shaking and cramping was more than he could stand.  Little did he know he had only experienced the beginnings of his body’s protest against losing the morphine.

    Ben was being torn apart by his child’s struggle.  Joe was fighting him and that in itself was painful, but that his child fighting him for morphine hurt him deeply.  He had understood at one level what Kenny had described to him regarding Joe’s need for the drug, but he only truly felt it at that moment.  His son had attacked him to get the liquid in the vial.  His youngest, who up to this point had only verbally pushed against his father during the battles they undertook as part of Joe growing up, had never raised his hand to him.  Now Joe had crossed that line and was in full attack.  Ben knew Joe had a murderous rage in him, and Ben was the brunt of it.  He struggled to control the rage.

    Joe was angry and feeling the effects of withdrawal more and more.  He wanted to grab his stomach due to the increased seizing, but he grabbed his father instead.  He was so very angry and held his father accountable.

    Kenny had been awakened by the first verbal exchange between father and son and stood back watching.  She felt her heart break as she saw father and son locked in combat.  She knew neither would give way willingly.

    As Joe struggled he felt his body revolt.  Although he had given himself the desired fluids, his body seized.  He felt the cramp and was quickly doubled over in his father’s arms.  It was much more intense than the others he had felt and he was immediately sick.  Joe lost the precious morphine he was able to ingest before his father had stopped him.  He felt violently ill.  He began shaking and his body violently revolted.

    “Pa, oh Pa!… Oh God!”  was all Joe could exclaim before he was grabbed again by his own body’s fury.

    Ben held his son as Joe’s body punished him for the loss of the morphine.

    “Pa, it hurts, Pa!”  Joe said, calling out to his one protector.  The one Joe always called for when he was hurting.

    “I’m here Joseph.  I’m here.  Son, hold on.”

    “Pa…” was all Joe was able to express before he was seized again.  As the torture died away, Joe relaxed but was soon grabbed again.

    “Oh God…”  was released from Joe before he was stricken again with the violent protest going on within him.

    Ben had never felt so helpless.  His child was suffering and he knew nothing of the problem.  He saw Joe in pain and yet there was no bullet to remove, no wound to suture.  His son had something wrong that Ben Cartwright knew nothing about.

    Ben moved his son over to the bed and put him in it.  He was crying openly.  He wondered why he had to see Joseph as he was, and why his son had to have endured the whole experience beginning with Rebecca’s death.  He longed for his child to return; the Joseph he knew before the accident.  He prayed they would be getting a reprieve soon from God.

    Joe’s withdrawal had entered a very painful, and unfortunately for Joe, long lasting period.  The cramping began to be more and more present until it was constant.  Joe was sweating profusely and tore at his clothes.  He wanted to be free of the clothing because of the heat it retained.

    “Pa, please!  Help me! Pa please!  I can’t do it!  I can’t!  It hurts too bad!  Please!  Help me Pa!”  Joe begged as he grabbed at himself and his father.

    Ben was in agony.  Joe’s cries tore at him.  His son was hurting and he could not stop it.  For a brief second Ben entertained the idea of sending Kenny for more morphine.  His boy was hurting and he wanted it to stop.  But then Ben knew it was because of the morphine that Joe was hurting, and Joe needed to be rid of it.  It killed him to see Joe so vulnerable.  He felt impotent as a father.

    Kenny went to a basin with water, grabbed a rag and brought it over to Joe.  She sat on the floor next to Ben and helped wipe away the perspiration.  “Joe, hang on.  You’ll be okay.  It’s gonna pass.”  She said softly to him.

    “Pa?!  I can’t do this!”     “Son, I am here and we’ll do it together.  You aren’t alone.  You’ll make it.  I’m gonna stay right here Joe.  I won’t leave you, and we’ll do it together.”

    The three endured the remainder of the night together and time seemed to stand still as Joe continued to fight through the withdrawal.  He would cry out every so often and Ben would comfort him.  As the sun rose in the meadow, Ben and Kenny were able to see more clearly the torment Joe was in.  Joe’s hair was wet from perspiration and his clothes were soaked.  The pain showed in his eyes and he would periodically look into his father’s eyes as if to draw strength from him.

    As Joe fought the pain he moved in and out of reality.  He would remain present for long periods of time, but then he would drift into a state in his head where he could not determine what was real and what was a product of the morphine withdrawal.  The drug leaving his system caused his mind to create images that were not real and to have strange beliefs.  Joe had no way of knowing that this was what was occurring and reacted to the images he saw as if they were present.

    The withdrawal brought on behavior for which Ben feared he was again losing his son to madness.  Joe had been relatively quiet for a long period, but this changed suddenly as he began to hallucinate, becoming convinced there were bugs crawling on him.  He frantically tried to brush them off, but was not successful.

    As Joe laid in bed he began saying,  “Get ‘em off of me.  Get ‘em off.”  He sat up with a jolt and began rubbing his arms.  Kenny and Ben looked on and each had no idea what Joe was talking about.

    “Joe son, there’s nothing on you.”  Ben said trying to help.

    “Get ‘em off of me!  Help me get ‘em!”

    “Get what off son?”

    “Don’t you see ‘em Pa?  There’s more and more. Get away!”  Joe jumped up and was out of bed.

    Ben tried to touch Joe, and Joe immediately pulled away and started backing up.  “Don’t touch me!  Get away!”

    Joe backed away from his father until he was in the corner of the cabin.  He looked at his father with wild eyes and Ben kept his distance.  “Son, what is on you?  Tell me and I’ll help.”

    “Bugs, everywhere bugs!  Get ‘em away!”

    Ben tried to take a step forward and Joe yelled,  “Stay away!  You did it!  You put ‘em on me!  Just stay away!”

    Joe was making no sense.  Ben’s mind returned to the day before Joe left the Ponderosa and he became despondent.  It appeared Joe was again lost in his mind, although Ben felt that this time was worse.  He was genuinely afraid Joe was insane.

    “Son, come over and lie down.”  Ben tried to coax Joe back to bed.

    “Nuh uh!”

    “Come on over here.  I’ll help you.”

    “Don’t you touch me!  Stay away!  You just stay right there!”  Joe commanded as he tried to squeeze himself further into the corner and continued to brush off the imagined bugs.  He slid down the wall and sat in the corner.

    Kenny tried to intercede.  “Joe?  What can we do to help you?”

    “Keep him away from me!”

    “Okay Joe I’ll do that.  Now you gotta calm down and come over here.”  Kenny quietly said.

    “NO!  The bugs are there!  No!”

    Kenny sat on the bed and said,  “No look Joe.  They’re no bugs here.  Come back over here, and you’ll be okay.”

    What Kenny said confused Joe.  He could not see any bugs on her yet he believed that is where they came from.  He looked at his father and back to Kenny.  “No it’s a trick.  I’m gonna stay right here.  You stay over there.”

    Kenny allowed Joe to have his belief.  “Okay Joe, stay there.  What can we do to help?”

    Joe did not know how to answer her.  He wanted them to stay away and not hurt him.  He had hurt so bad and was trying to escape the pain  “You want me dead.  You know it!  You’re KILLING me!  Get away!”

    “Joe it is me Kenny.  Remember me Joe?”

    Kenny  got Joe’s attention but he thought he was talking to another.  “Bec?  Why Bec?  Why?”  Joe asked of her.  He believed Rebecca was there.

    “Why what Joe?”

    “Why does it hurt?  Where’s my Pa?”  Joe asked.  “Pa’s not here Bec!”

    “Son I’m here.”  Ben offered.  He felt so sad hearing Joe call to Rebecca.

    Joe looked towards the voice he heard and said,  “No! No!  You want to hurt me!  You’re not my Pa!  Go away!  Go away!”

    Joe’s words cut through Ben.  His son had no idea who he was.  Kenny tried to intercede.  “Joe, your Pa’s right there.  That’s your Pa, Joe.  Look at him!”

    Joe looked at Ben as Ben looked at him.  “Pa?  No you’re not my Pa.  Go away!  You brought it.  You go away!  Leave me alone!  The bugs!  Get ‘em offa me Bec!  Help me!  Pa?  Where are you?!”

    Joe allowed Kenny to approach and she did so cautiously.  He grabbed hold of her.  “Bec?  Bec?  Where’s my Pa?  Oh God Bec  help me!”  Joe was screaming as he swatted imaginary bugs.

    Ben looked on as Kenny tried to help Joe.  Ben was thwarted every time he tried to move towards his son.   Joe watched him closely and would not allow his father to approach.  Ben was heart broken, though he began to resolve himself to the idea of having a son who was insane.  He began to accept that his son, the son he knew before the accident, was gone.  He would take the new son and give him a good life.  He would never give Joseph up, nor would he ever stop fighting for his son, but he began to believe his son, the boy they called Little Joe was gone.  He had a stranger in his beloved son’s place, but it was still his son, and he would take care of him.

    “Bec where’s my Pa?”  Joe grasp held her tight.  “Pa’s gone, Bec.  I can’t find him!  They’re gonna kill me, Bec!  Help me!”

    “Joe what do you want me to do?”  Kenny asked.

    Joe answered,  “Help me Bec!  Help me!  Where’s Pa, Bec?  I need my Pa, Bec.  Pa?”

    Ben called out,  “Joseph, I’m here””

    “Pa?  Pa?  Help me!  Come help me!”

    Ben could resist no longer.  His son cried out for him and he approached.  He hugged Joe, and Joe screamed,  “No!  No!” but Ben’s grip did not lessen.

    Joe squirmed but soon gave in.  He felt a familiar feeling.  His father’s hug.  He smelt a familiar smell.  He was in his father’s arms.  “Pa!  Oh Pa!  Oh God, help me Pa!  Help me!  Get ‘em offa me!”

“Joseph. I’m here.  You’re gonna be okay, son.  Your Pa is here.  I’ll take it away.”  Ben made all of the promises a parent makes a child to make them safe.  He would save Joe from any dangers.  He hoped Joe knew that.

    “Pa?  Pa you’re here.”  Joe grabbed tighter to his father.  “Pa!  I need you!”

    “Son I’m here.”  Ben said, as he crouched down in the corner with his child.

    “Pa, stay here.  They’ll get me right here.  You stay here and make ‘em leave Pa.  You can fix it, you can.  You’ll make it all better, and I’ll be all better.  You’ll fix it Pa!”  Joe then cried out,  “No Pa!  No!  Help me!  Where are you?’

    Ben had not let go of Joe since he was able to grab hold without Joe’s strong protests.  He spoke,  “Joe, I’m here boy.  I’m here.  I’ll fight who ever needs to be fought.  I’ll keep you safe, Joseph.”

    “Pa, where’s Bec?”

    “Joe, I’m here.”  Kenny took over.  She had no idea if Joe would let her be his Bec, but she wanted to ease the suffering she was seeing.  She knelt and finally sat on the other side of Joe.

    “Bec? ‘Kay Bec.  Stay here.  Right here.”  Joe told her and continued to brush the imagined creatures from him.

    Ben held firm to Joe and let him do whatever kept him calm.  Joe shook violently and would at times call out, but as the hours passed Joe quieted and the exhaustion finally began to take it’s toll as he became tired.  His eyes became heavy, but he fought sleep.  Ben and Kenny would see his head nod, but then he would reawaken and fight drifting off.

    Ben tried to help him,  “ Son, you’re so tired.  Go on to sleep.  I’ll be here.  You sleep for a while.”

    “But Pa, I don’t wanna sleep.  The dreams, they’re bad.”

    Ben knew of what his son spoke.  Joe had developed nightmares after his mother’s death and seemed to experience them whenever he was conflicted or troubled.  Joe seemed to have great difficulty riding out the bad dreams and would struggle long hours trying to keep them away.  It had been something that Ben had accepted and often used as an indicator to know if his youngest was troubled about something.

    “Joe, you’ll be okay.  Just close your eyes.  I’ll be here.”

    Joe fought sleep as long as he could and then it took over.  His head finally came to rest on his father’s shoulder, and he wrapped his arm so it intertwined with his father’s.  Ben felt his son’s grasp and knew he needed to stay there, allowing Joe to experience the safety a child feels only with his father.  All three sat silent and not moving as Joe drifted deeper into sleep.

    Ben listened to his child’s breathing and only dared to move Joe when he felt the slow rhythmic breathing of his child deep in sleep.  It was known within the Cartwright family that Joe slept heavily.  It had become a family joke after Joe had slept through a minor cattle stampede his first time on out on the annual cattle drive.  Everyone else had scampered to contain the herd and returned an hour later to Joe still sound asleep in his overturned saddle.  He never had any indication there had been trouble with the herd.

    Ben gathered up Joe in his arms and moved him back to the bed.  He looked down on his child and wiped away the sweat from his brow.  Ben was so afraid he had lost the child he had found.  He again prayed for his boy.  He prayed for peace.  He removed the sweat soaked shirt from Joe, as Joe continued to sleep heavily.  As he then laid Joe in the bed he pulled up the blankets, brushed through Joe’s hair and said softly,  “Joe, I’m here and I love you.  You rest now.  Just rest.”

    The sun was setting as Kenny and Ben breathed the first sighs of relief they had in several days.  Joe was quiet and seemed to be resting peacefully.  Ben reluctantly left Joe’s side and moved over to the fire where he and Kenny talked quietly.

    “Kenny, I must say, I’m relieved you are here, but I’m very confused over this whole ordeal.  I’m not sure what to make of all of it.  I’m not sure I can get past your setting my son up for that monster.”

    “Mr. Cartwright, I don’t blame you at all.  I know what I did was unforgivable.  I have no excuse as I told you earlier, and after seeing what Joe is going through, I have no idea how I will live with this.  I do have to tell you that Joe has taught me so much, and I am changed because he came to Sacramento.  I know he has no idea what he has done, and I pray one day I can tell him.”
    “Kenny, my son is a good person.  All three of my boys are.  I want you to know the Joseph that was here is only a shadow of my child.  What I have seen my boy go through is almost more than I can bear.  I see how you have helped us, and I am very grateful, but I also have a problem with your having hurt him.”

    “Of course.  I see how much you love him and how hard you are fighting for him.  Mr. Cartwright, whatever you want to do, I accept.  I know I’m different now, but I need to pay the price for what I’ve done.”

    Ben looked at the young woman for a long while.  He had seen her willingness to help in any way he had needed, but she was partially responsible for why he needed the help.  Ben remained conflicted over the young woman’s role in Joe’s suffering.  He did not feel he had an answer to how the situation should be handled.  He knew what he would do to Shelby Butler, that was easy to decide.  The law would be brought in immediately.  But with this woman, it was much harder to determine the right thing to do.

    Ben had so many questions regarding his son and what his son had experienced while away from the Ponderosa.  He was unsure he would ever have them all answered.  He knew his son had been changed by the experience he had undergone.  Joe had endured a loss of innocence that Ben knew he could not replace.  He simply hoped it had not damaged Joseph to the point where he could no longer function.  Ben hoped he did not have to pay that price.

    Ben decided to step out to get some air and to clear his head.  He had felt tears as he thought of Joseph and wanted time alone.  As Kenny sat by the fire, she heard a soft moan come from Joe.  She looked in Joe’s direction and saw him starting to move about in the bed.  She thought to herself,  “Oh no Joe, you have got to be exhausted.  You need to sleep.”

    Kenny moved over to the bed as Joe tossed and turned.  It was obvious he was having a bad dream and she sat next to him.  As he rolled over onto his stomach she reached out and began to rub his back.  Joe did not fully wake.  She spoke quietly to him,  “It’s okay, Joe.  It’s just a bad dream.  You’re fine.  Your Pa is here, and you’re safe.  Shhh, now.”

    Ben walked back into the cabin and saw Kenny rubbing Joe’s back and talking softly to him.  For a moment he flashed to Marie.  When Little Joe was small, Marie insisted his cradle stay in their room, probably much longer than needed.  Ben would wake in the night to see his wife rubbing Little Joe’s back and talking softly to him.  She would then smile towards her husband and express how amazed she was at the beauty of their son.  She would go on to say she knew that is how every mother felt, but she just could not believe the love she felt for Joseph.  She never tired of looking and talking to their child.

    Ben’s mind moved back to the present as he moved over to Kenny and Joe.  “Is he okay?”

    “Yeah, I think he’s settling down again.  He must have been having a bad dream.”  Kenny stood and Ben took her place next to Joe.

    Eventually as night fell and fatigue set in, Ben laid next to his son and was easily awaken in the night as Joe stirred with disturbed dreams.  Ben would comfort his son, and Joe would calm and drift back into sleep.

    The dreams Joe experienced were confusing and made little sense.  The withdrawal left his mind troubled, trying to make sense of pictures and images while he slept.  He found comfort in the soft words and gentle touch of his father and the dreams never progressed to the awful nightmares which he so greatly feared.

    Morning came to the meadow and the cabin brightened with sunlight.  Kenny rose and was busy trying to put together something for breakfast.  The smell of coffee made Ben wake, and he joined Kenny in preparing the meal.  Joe remained asleep and did not stir.

    Ben decided to let his son sleep as long as he could.  He and Kenny went outside, leaving the door cracked to listen for Joe and sat for breakfast.  “Kenny, I’m realizing that there is really no way Joe can travel for a while.  I need to get word to my boys at the ranch so they don’t worry.  I’m very reluctant to leave Joseph to go to town.”

    “Oh, Mr. Cartwright, say no more.  I’ll go and send the wire.  You just write out what you need and I’ll make sure it is sent.  I can pick us up a few more supplies, and I can grab me some clothes.  I reckon I need to help you for a while.  I know I have no job to return to, so I’m at your disposal.”

    Ben looked at the woman, hoping he could trust her.  She had been so helpful, but what if she abandoned them there?  He weighed his options and decided to trust her.  “That would be most helpful.  Here, I’ll write out the wire and give you some money.”

    Ben helped Kenny saddle the horse Joe had ridden and she was soon off towards town.  Ben had contemplated what he would tell Adam and Hoss and decided to keep the reason for the delay somewhat vague.  He was unsure what he would tell his two oldest about Joseph’s current state.  He did not want to alarm them, and he had no idea Joe’s mental condition.

    As the morning wore on Joe showed no signs of waking.  Ben finally decided he could stand it no longer and felt he needed to check on his son.  He also had wanted to get some food into Joe to keep up his strength.  Ben grabbed the food Kenny had prepared and moved over to Joe.  “Joe, son wake up.  Come on wake up.”  He coaxed and shook Joe’s shoulder.

    Joe groaned and rolled away from his father.  Ben continued to coax.  “Joe, come on time to wake up.  Wake up, boy.”

    Joe mumbled and it was obvious he was half asleep,  “Awe come on, Pa.  I’m tired.”

    “I know you are Joe, but you need to wake up and eat something.”

    “Naugh,… not hungry… tired.”

    “Joseph, wake up now.  Come on, roll over here and look at me.”

    Joe had never before experienced the level of fatigue he felt.  He had slept many hours, but remained exhausted.  He begrudgingly opened his eyes and looked at his father.  “Yeah?”

    “Son sit up here and eat.  You haven’t kept anything down for days.  Come on here sit up.”

    Joe dragged himself into a seated position.  He was numb from sleep and was quiet.  Ben sat the bowl of soup on the night stand and handed Joe a spoon.  Joe took it in his hand and moved slowly as he ate a few bites.  Ben tried small talk but only was rewarded with only “uh huh’s” and “uh uh’s”.  He wanted Joe to talk to see how his son’s mental state was.  Joe remained quiet.

    Ben walked over to get Joe some more water from the kitchen area and by the time he returned to his son, Joe was sitting in bed, leaning against the wall, fast asleep with the spoon still in his hand and soup still in the spoon.

    “Okay son, you win.  Go to sleep.”  Ben said smiling as he removed the spoon from Joe’s hand and lowered his son back into bed.

    Kenny headed into town to send the wire and take care of some business.  She was leery of Shelby seeing her, so she decided to be as inconspicuous as possible.  She made her way to the telegraph office and then walked to the saloon.  She went around to the back entrance and made her way up the stairs to her room.  When she entered her room she saw it was in shambles.  Her things were broken, and little was left of any value.  Kenny knew who had done this, and she also knew there was a message in the vandalism.  Shelby was now after her.  She was very aware she had to be careful.

    She threw some clothes into a bag and gathered a few things of sentimental value.  She began to feel relieved that there was nothing left for her in the Cock 'o the Walk Saloon.  She was making a clean break.  She then exited her room and went into the one Joe had occupied while he had been there.  It too had been torn apart and the room was destroyed.  She grabbed some of his clothes and a few things she thought he may want and then exited the Saloon from the back.

    Her final stop was the bank.  Kenny made arrangements for all of the money she had to be sent for with a wire, whenever she reached her traveling destination.  She was developing a sense of guilt with regards to how the money was obtained, and she wanted to think about what she wanted done with it once the crisis with Joe was over, and she paid the price for her willingness to collude with Shelby.

    Kenny almost had a clean get away from Sacramento.  Almost.  Shelby was walking out of the Saloon when Kenny was leaving the bank.  She did not see him because he immediately ducked back in the swinging doors and watched her.  Shelby saw Kenny was wearing what looked like man's clothes and walked over to a bay horse.  He knew whose horse it was instantly, and he felt a rage overtake him.  He had realized the kid and his father had run out on him, and he was trying to think of how to best manage the procuring of the five thousand dollars the kid’s father had agreed to pay him.  He would not be stiffed in the deal.  Shelby saw it as they had made an agreement, and Ben Cartwright owed him.

    Shelby had also come to realize that Kenny was gone as well.  He did not know where she had gone, but he had not thought she would be with the kid and his father.  He had thought that the father would take one look at Kenny, see her as trash and send her packing.  He had no concept of how the Cartwrights operated.

    As Shelby watched Kenny go towards the horse, mount up and ride away, he formed his plan.  He would make them pay.

    Adam and Hoss had received the initial wire from their father when Ben first arrived in Sacramento and were informed Little Joe had been found and was safe.  Both brother’s breathed a sigh of relief as they read that Ben would be returning shortly with Joe.
Both had been in town taking care of various business when the telegram from Sacramento arrived.  It was Hoss who was notified that there had been a telegram from his father.  He was surprised to be told there was a wire, because he and Adam were expecting their father and Joe back any day.
Hoss read the telegram.

ADAM (stop)
DELAYED ON RETURN (stop) NOT TO WORRY (stop) HAVE JOE (stop) TYING UP BUSINESS (stop) UNKNOWN WHEN RETURN TO PONDEROSA (stop)  TAKE CARE OF HOSS AND RANCH (stop) WILL SEND WORD SOON (stop)
PA (stop)

    Hoss was confused by what he read.  He wondered why his father not bringing Joe home.  Hoss soon found Adam and showed him the telegram.  Adam had the same question as Hoss.  He was confused at what his father was doing, but he also knew that if there had been real trouble their father would have used the code they had developed years ago and would have asked him to look after Erik.  Ben had developed the code with Adam just in case either were in a precarious situation and needed the other to know without other's being wise to the clue.  By Ben using Hoss's nickname rather than his given name of Erik, Adam felt his father was telling him everything was fine.

    “Hey Adam, why you reckon Pa stopped and isn't bringin' Joe right home?”  Hoss asked, his disappointment showing.

    “I have no idea Hoss.  I know you really want Joe home, and Pa knows it too.  Something must have come up.  And, in a way, we’re lucky, cause we still have to catch that wild pony of our little brother’s.”

    Adam and Hoss had tried several times to catch Cochise and each time the pinto had out maneuvered them  The pony at first did not allow them to approach at all, but as the days passed, Cochise would let them get close, but was quickly away before they were within distance of putting a rope on her.  Little did Adam and Hoss know, Joe was relating to his father in a similar manner.

    Joe slept much of the day.  Ben would periodically check on him, and when Joe would stir, Ben was right at his side.  Ben was grateful Joe had been given a reprieve and was able to rest.  His son had looked so tired for a very long time.  It did not surprise Ben the amount of sleep Joe was needing and did everythin