November 2003

Chapter 1

Adam Cartwright was a contented man.  He was two months short of his fifty-seventh birthday and in good health.  He had a wife whom he loved dearly and who loved him with all her heart.  They had four lovely daughters: eighteen-year-old Beth, recently married to Reverend Dafydd Jones; seventeen-year-old Miranda, happily enrolled as a student at the Girls’ Latin School in Boston; fifteen-year-old Gwyneth and twelve-year-old Penny.  Six years earlier Adam and his wife, Bronwen, had been surprised to learn she was pregnant once again and their fifth child was a boy, Adam Jr., whom his sisters immediately christened A.C.  The mining company Adam and his brother-in-law, Rhys Davies, had started was thriving and so his family was financially secure.  God has certainly blessed me, he thought as he cuddled close to Bronwen, watching the first streaks of rosy pink begin to lighten the night sky.  He was feeling amorous and waiting for her to wake so they could make love. 

He felt her stir and whispered, “Morning, sleepyhead.”  She turned over on her back then smiling at him.  “Mmm, I take it you had a good night’s sleep?”

“Too right.  I feel as frisky as a yearling colt,” he replied with a smug grin before kissing her.

After making love, they both drifted off to sleep again until it was time to dress.  He carefully trimmed his beard, noting with an inner sigh that there was virtually no black left—it was all gray or snow-white.  It was the same story with what remained of his hair.  He glanced at Bronwen’s reflection in the mirror and smiled.  At forty-seven her raven tresses were almost untouched by gray.  Her face had lines that it hadn’t nineteen years earlier, but they didn’t detract from its charm.

“Are you ready for me to brush your hair?” he asked as he put on his shirt.

“Yes,” she replied.  She sat in front of her vanity and enjoyed the feel of his firm brushstrokes until he set the brushes down saying, “I’d better go check on the children.”

He knocked on the door of the room Gwyneth and Penny shared, glancing at the now empty room across the hall that had been Beth and Miranda’s room.  He still had trouble accepting that Beth had been married for almost two months and Miranda had been in Boston for two years.

“Are you up, girls?” he called.

“I’m up,” he heard Gwyneth’s sleepy reply.

“Make sure Penny is up as well,” he instructed knowing his youngest daughter, like his oldest, was difficult to waken in the morning.  He smiled at the thought of the daughter who looked so like what her mother must have at that age.  Penny was the only one of their children who had inherited Bronwen’s beautiful violet eyes.  The rest all had hazel eyes—Beth and A.C.’s were dark like his while Miranda’s and Gwyneth’s were so light they were almost amber.

He knocked firmly on his son’s bedroom door and hearing no answer he walked in.  Five-year-old A.C. had kicked off the bedclothes as usual and was sleeping on his stomach with his arms and legs flung out making a letter X.  His thick black hair needed cutting, which always meant an argument with Bronwen, who liked him to wear it long.  Adam sat on the bed and gently rubbed his son’s back saying, “Time to get up, Jackeroo.”

A.C. stretched and then rolled over on his back.  “G’morning, Daddy,’ he replied yawning hugely.

“Good morning,” Adam said with a smile.  “Do you need any help getting dressed?”

“No, I can do it myself,” A.C. replied proudly.  Then he added candidly, “’cept my shoes.”

“I’ll come back in a few minutes and help with your shoes,” Adam promised.  “And I’ll help you make your bed, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” A.C. grinned, showing he had inherited his father’s dimple.

When he reentered the master bedroom, Bronwen was just finishing pinning up her hair and she turned to smile a greeting.  “Are they all up?”

“Gwyneth and A.C. are,” he answered.  “You might want to check on Penny since I promised I’d help A.C. with his shoes.”  He paused before adding, “It looks like A.C. needs a haircut.”

“He does not,” she replied crossly.  “Every time his hair is long enough to start to curl just a little, you want to cut it off.  He looks so adorable when his hair curls.”

“Boys aren’t supposed to look adorable,” he retorted.  “It can wait another week, but then I’m taking him to the barber.”

“Of course, my lord and master.  Your wish is my command,” she replied in a syrupy voice.

“Bronwen,” he said warningly.

“Oh, go help A.C. with his shoes,” she replied crossly.  “I’ll check on Penny.”

Gwyneth had found Penny was even harder to rouse than usual.  “Come on, Pen, get out of bed,” she said shaking her sister’s shoulder roughly.  “You don’t want to be late or all you’ll get is a dingo’s breakfast.”

“I’m up,” Penny snapped, slapping Gwyneth’s hands away.  In fact, she hadn’t slept well all night because of a pain in her abdomen.  It had actually begun the day before and at first it had been dull and she could ignore it, but it had grown worse during the night.  She got up and dressed, only half-heartedly brushing her waist-length, straight black hair and pulling it back from her face with a wide ribbon tied in a large bow.  She was fastening her shoes when Bronwen knocked and entered.

Bronwen saw that Gwyneth was dressed and her bed was made.  At fifteen, Gwyneth wore her hair in a twist on top of her head as was the fashion but her curls resisted their confinement and some were forever escaping.  Of all the Cartwright children, Gwyneth bore the strongest resemblance to Adam.  She was tall and willowy, and she had the delectably rounded derrière and long slender legs of male fantasies.   She was innocently oblivious to the secret (and not so secret) looks she received when she went swimming at the Cloncurry River thinking no male would ever be interested in a tall, skinny girl with a chest almost as flat as a boy’s.

Since the girls were nearly ready, Bronwen went to see if Nell and Mary, their maids, needed any help.  Meanwhile Adam had found A.C. shoving his shirttails into his knickerbockers.

“Whoa, Jackeroo,” he said with a chuckle.  “Your shirt isn’t buttoned properly.”

“Is too!” A.C. retorted.

“Are you contradicting me?” Adam asked in the dangerously quiet voice all his children recognized.

“N-no, Daddy,” A.C. stammered.

“See that you don’t.  Now, re-button your shirt.”

A.C. fumbled with the buttons and Adam forced himself to watch patiently, letting A.C. take all the time he needed before helping him lace his shoes and make his bed.

Adam looked his son over and said firmly, “You haven’t brushed your hair yet; you can’t go down to breakfast looking like that.  Stand still and I’ll brush it for you.”

“Ow!” A.C. complained.  “Not so hard, Daddy.”

“I’m sorry,” Adam said contritely.  “The longer your hair is the worse it tangles.”

“Can I get it cut?” A.C. asked.

“That’s fine with me.  Why don’t you ask your mother,” Adam replied with a sly smile.

The two of them hurried to the barn where A.C. “helped” Adam with his barn chores.  Gwyneth and Penny were already there and the four of them worked quickly to finish so they wouldn’t be late to breakfast.  Adam and the two girls had to change from their work clothes to proper attire before they ate.  Gwyneth hastily shucked her waist overalls and black shirt and changed into a cream-colored shirtwaist blouse and a tan skirt while Penny exchanged her old, threadbare cotton blouse (passed down from her three sisters) and knickerbockers for a sailor blouse and navy blue pleated skirt.

When they entered the dining room, they found Bronwen and A.C. waiting and Nell and Mary were bringing in the food.  Most of the family ate oatmeal and butter, fresh scones crammed with currants, fried potatoes, bacon and scrambled eggs but Bronwen had her customary tea and toast and Penny just pushed her food around her plate.

“You’re not eating Penny,” Bronwen commented and Penny said defensively, “I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You need to eat something, Kitten,” Adam said.  “At least eat your oatmeal.” 

With a sigh, Penny complied.  However, with each mouthful she felt more and more nauseous.  She walked to school with her best friend, Kate Newkirk, who lived across the street while Gwyneth and their cousin Llywelyn, who lived next-door, walked together.  Penny was so quiet that Kate asked her if she was sick.

“I have a pain here,” Penny replied pointing to the right side of her abdomen, “but I didn’t say anything to Mama or Daddy because I knew they’d make me stay in bed and I hate that.”  Kate nodded her understanding.

Penny hadn’t been in school very long before she felt really ill.  She asked to be excused and managed to make it outside before she became violently ill and lost her breakfast.  She said nothing to her teacher, however, and simply returned to class.  Throughout the day the pain increased.  When she and Gwyneth went home for dinner, Bronwen was preoccupied with A.C., who had been a handful all morning, and failed to notice Penny’s lack of appetite.  Penny surreptitiously fed enough of her food to Lady, who was always underfoot at mealtime, to keep the others unaware of her distress.

She returned to school but the pain didn’t get any better and it was difficult for her to concentrate on her lessons.  She ate a little at supper so her parents wouldn’t be suspicious; however, she became ill just as she had after breakfast although she managed to make it outside in time and then passed it off as a visit to the outhouse.  She convinced herself that the pain wasn’t growing any worse and after supper she played jackstraws with A.C. while Adam and Gwyneth played cribbage and Bronwen read the latest novel by Thomas Hardy.  When Bronwen and Adam put A.C. to bed, Gwyneth decided to read.  Penny picked up her favorite book, Beautiful Joe, but she couldn’t concentrate.  When Adam returned to the library, he asked Penny if she’d like to play a game with him while her mother and sister were engrossed in their reading.

“Could we play backgammon?” she asked and he nodded with a smile, for backgammon was her favorite and she’d improved so much that sometimes she beat him.

“Do you feel all right, Kitten?” he asked during the game.  “You’ve been awfully quiet this evening.”

“I’m okay.  I just have a little stomachache, but it’ll be better in the morning.”

“Is that why you hardly touched your supper?” he asked quietly, for it just wasn’t normal for her to be so subdued and she usually had a good appetite.

She hadn’t realized anyone had noticed she’d hardly eaten a thing but she didn’t want her daddy to worry so she said quickly, “Yes, that’s why.  But I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning.”

Gwyneth woke suddenly in the dark to the sound of her name.  “Gwyneth, please wake up,” Penny sobbed.

“What’s wrong?” Gwyneth asked apprehensively.

“My stomach hurts so.  Please, get Mama,” Penny begged and Gwyneth heard the anguish in her sister’s tone.

She was frightened because Penny never liked to admit she was ill or hurt.  She hurried to her parents’ room in her bare feet and knocking on the door called, “Mama!”

“What is it, Gwyneth?” she heard her father ask.

“Penny’s sick and crying for Mama.”

“I’ll be there in a moment,” her mother replied so Gwyneth hurried back to where Penny was quietly sobbing.  Gwyneth lit the lamp and she could see Penny was white-faced and sweating, lying on her left side.  Her parents entered the room and sat down on either side of Penny.  Bronwen put her hand on Penny’s forehead and said worriedly, “She has a fever.”

“Where does it hurt, Kitten?” Adam asked gently.

“My right side, Daddy,” Penny sobbed.  He applied just a little pressure and she screamed in agony.

“I’m sorry, Kitten,” he said quietly, trying to hide his fear.  “I’m going for Dr. Brooke.”

Bronwen nodded.  “I’ll see if I can bring her fever down.  Gwyneth, please go wake Nell and ask her to bring me some cold water and cloths.”

Bronwen bathed Penny’s face and chest with cold cloths while the child moaned in pain.  She complained of thirst but she couldn’t keep down any liquid and her anxious mother and sister could see that vomiting increased her agonizing pain.  They both noticed that her abdomen was visibly distended.

Adam rode as fast as he dared on a dark night, for it would do Penny no good if he were injured on the way to Dr. Brooke’s home.  “Dear God, let him be home,” he prayed ceaselessly as he rode.  He knocked loudly on the front door and in a few minutes Dr. Brooke, wearing his robe and slippers, answered the door.

“Mr. Cartwright?”

“It’s my daughter, Penny,” Adam said quickly.  “She has a terrible pain in her right side.  I barely touched it and yet she was in agony.  She’s feverish as well.”

“Let me get dressed and I’ll be there as quickly as I can,” Dr. Brooke replied.

Adam hurried home and up to Penny’s room and saw his much-loved daughter was in even more pain now.  “Dr. Brooke is on his way, Kitten,” he said smoothing back her sweat-soaked hair.  She was in such agony all she could do was to nod her head to show she understood.

Dr. Brooke arrived a few minutes later.  He examined Penny with a grave face and then motioned Adam and Bronwen to the hallway, leaving Nell with Penny and a frightened Gwyneth.  He closed the door and turned to face them.

“I wish I did not have to give you such unhappy news, but I believe Penny has appendicitis, what we used to call perityphlitis.  It is a very serious condition but surgical removal of the appendix may save her life,” he said quietly..

“May?” Adam repeated.

“There is always risk involved in surgery; however, if the appendix is not perforated, then the chances are very good that Penny will make a full recovery.  I read that an American physician has successfully removed a perforated appendix, but I never have.  If the appendix has perforated, then it is very likely that peritonitis will develop. If Penny should develop peritonitis, the only treatment is to surgically drain the abscess that develops in the abdominal cavity.”  He paused and said quietly, “That treatment is seldom effective.  If we only had some method of fighting the infection. ¼”  He let his voice trail off and then said more firmly, “Do I have your permission to admit Penny to the hospital and surgically remove her appendix?”

Adam and Bronwen exchanged frightened, anxious glances.  She nodded imperceptibly and Adam said, “Yes, you have our permission.”

“Bring her to the hospital and I will meet you there.  You will need to sign the admission papers, Mr. Cartwright.  Then one of the staff will show you to the waiting room outside surgery.  Removing Penny’s appendix is an emergency so she will be prepared for surgery as soon as she arrives.”

While Adam hitched the horses to the surrey, Bronwen hurriedly told Nell and Gwyneth what was happening and packed a bag with some clothes and Penny’s hairbrush.  Adam lifted Penny as gently as he could but she couldn’t stop her agonized scream at the slight pressure on her inflamed side. 

Adam drove as carefully as he could but the slightest jolt caused Penny to moan in agony.  When they arrived at Cloncurry’s little hospital, an attendant was waiting and he placed Penny on a bed carriage and wheeled her inside.  Bronwen walked alongside, holding Penny’s hand, while Adam went to sign the admitting papers.

He soon joined Bronwen in the waiting area.  She sat with her head bowed and he saw her lips moving silently.  He sat beside her and began his own prayers for their cherished daughter’s life.  The waiting was endless, but finally Dr. Brooke appeared, and they both noted the sadness in his eyes.

“The appendix was perforated,” he said gently.  “I did my best to remove the infected tissue, but we will have to wait and see if she develops peritonitis.”

“May we see her?” Bronwen asked in an unsteady voice.

“After she has recovered from the effects of the anesthetic, she’ll be moved to a private room and you can spend as much time with her as you wish.  In fact, I’ll have one of the attendants take you to her room and you can wait for her there.”  He paused and said kindly, “She won’t be coming to the room for a bit so if you need to contact your family this would be a good time to do it.”

Adam nodded his understanding and turning to Bronwen said, “I’ll let Beth and Dafydd and Rhys and Matilda know what happened and I’ll talk to Gwyneth and Nell.”

He went to the rectory first.  Dafydd was an early riser and he answered Adam’s knock immediately.  Adam told him tersely what had happened but Dafydd saw the worry and fear in his father-in-law’s eyes.

“I’ll tell Beth and then we’ll both come to the hospital.  We’ll pray that Penny fach will recover, Tada.”

Adam nodded his understanding and he hurried to the Davies’ house.  After he left, Rhys said sadly, “I think I should send a telegram to Tad and Mam and let them know,” and Matilda nodded her agreement.

“Can I go with you to see Penny?” Gwyneth asked her eyes filling with tears when Adam told her the results of Penny’s operation.

“Just for a little while.  Mama and I need you to stay with A.C.  He’s too little to really understand and he’s going to be upset that Mama and I aren’t here.  He needs you to be with him.” Gwyneth reluctantly nodded her understanding.

“Is-is Penny going to die?” she asked brokenly.

“We don’t know,” he replied honestly and she could see the fear and anxiety in his eyes.

Penny was in her room when they arrived.  She was lying very still with her knees bent.  Beth and Bronwen were seated on either side of the bed while Dafydd stood behind Beth, his hands on her shoulders to bring her comfort.

“Hello, Kitten,” Adam said softly and Gwyneth added, “Hello, Penny,” but she didn’t respond. 

“She’s still very groggy from the anesthetic,” Bronwen said quietly.  “The nurse took her temperature and she’s running a fever of 103 degrees.  There’s a drain in her side to fight against infection.”

After an hour, Beth and Gwyneth went to be with A.C.  Dafydd stayed longer, but he had other calls he needed to make so he left Bronwen and Adam alone with Penny, promising to return.  Adam sat by Penny’s bed and held her hand in his.  It was so small and delicate and he could feel the fever ravaging her body.  When Dr. Brooke came to examine her, the slightest touch on her rigid abdomen brought screams of agony.  When the examination was complete, he motioned Adam and Bronwen to come in the hallway and closed the door behind them.

He looked at the two parents with compassion and sadness, for he had delivered Penny just as he had Miranda and Gwyneth.  “She has developed peritonitis.  I am afraid you must be prepared for the worst.”

Bronwen began to sob quietly but Adam looked at the doctor with a stony visage.  “There must be something more that you can do,” he said with a quiet intensity.

“I wish to God there were,” Dr. Brooke answered heavily.  He added quietly, “I am so sorry.  She is in God’s hands; all I can suggest is that you pray for her.”

Dafydd returned and he prayed with Bronwen and Adam as they sat with Penny.  The smallest movement caused the child excruciating pain and her fever mounted.  She was thirsty but if she drank, then she vomited, and her frightened parents could see that only increased her agony

Her mother gently wiped her face clean while her father held one of her hands, hands with the long, slender fingers she’d inherited from him, and stroked it soothingly.  Penny focused her pain-filled eyes on his face and asked quietly, “Am I dying, Daddy?”

He couldn’t speak and shut his eyes to blot out the agony in hers.  Bronwen smoothed her hair and said very gently, “Yes, Penny fach, you are going home to Jesus.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” she said brokenly.

“I know, cariad, but we’ll see each other again,” and Bronwen kissed her little girl’s cheek.  “I love you, Penny,” she said softly and managed to hold back her tears for her little girl’s sake.

“And I love you, Mama.  Daddy,” she said and he forced himself to open his eyes and look into hers.  “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, Kitten,” he answered in a choked voice. “I love you so much.”

“Don’t cry, Daddy.  Mama’s right.  We’ll see each other again,” and she managed a faint smile.  “I’ll be with Uncle Hoss, and Grandma, Grandma Inger and Grandma Marie.”  He forced his lips to smile and kissed her hand.  She paused, seeming to gather all her strength, and said softly, “Tell Beth and Miranda and Gwyneth and A.C. goodbye for me.  Tell them that I love them.”

“We will, Kitten,” Adam said gently and Bronwen nodded.

“I’m glad I had you for a brother for a little while, Dafydd,” she said turning to look at her brother-in-law.  “I love you, too.”

“Dw i’n dy garu di, Penny fach,” Dafydd replied softly, bending down to drop a kiss on her forehead and she smiled faintly.

Soon afterward Dr. Brooke quietly entered the room.  “Mr. Cartwright, I’d like to speak with you if I may.”

“Daddy will only be gone for a moment, Kitten,” Adam said softly and kissed Penny’s forehead before stepping in the hallway with the doctor. 

“I would like to give Penny a shot of morphine,” Dr. Brooke said quietly.  “It will ease her pain.  I need your approval to give her the drug.”

“I don’t want her to suffer anymore,” Adam said in a flat tone.  “You have my consent.”

The morphine eased Penny’s agony but she quickly lost consciousness.  Adam asked Dafydd to stay at their house with Beth, Gwyneth and A.C. so he reluctantly left his in-laws alone with Penny.  Around four a.m., Penny grew very still and they could no longer hear her labored breathing.

“Kitten,” Adam said fearfully, softly caressing her cheek.  “Kitten.”  Bronwen felt Penny’s neck for a pulse and said brokenly, “She’s gone, anwyld.”  She sank to her knees at the bedside sobbing loudly.

He gently kissed Penny’s forehead and then, silently, he washed her body using the pitcher and basin the hospital had provided, removing the useless drain from her side.  When he finished, he dressed her in the clean clothes Bronwen had brought to the hospital.  Then he brushed her waist-length hair, carefully removing the tangles.  Once that task was accomplished, he took out his pocket knife and very carefully and gently cut a lock of hair and placed it in his handkerchief.  In his mind’s eye he saw Penny sitting on his lap—her lips reddened with her mother’s coralline salve and her hair pinned up in a twist—and heard her voice saying, “I’ll always be your little girl, Daddy. I promise.”  He kissed her cheek, already growing cold, and then without a word to his grieving wife, he walked out of the room.

One of the nurses heard Bronwen crying and she called to Adam when she saw him, but he walked past her without responding, so she hurried into Penny’s room.  She saw Penny was dead and noted that someone had washed and dressed her body and guessed it had been the child’s father since the mother was consumed by her grief.  There was nothing she could do for the child, so she turned to the mother.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Cartwright,” she said gently, placing her hand on the other woman’s shoulder.  With an effort, Bronwen controlled her tears.  “Where is my husband?” she asked looking about the room but seeing no sign of Adam.

“I don’t know, ma’am,” the nurse answered honestly as she helped Bronwen to a chair.  “I tried to speak to him, but he just looked right through me.  I think he may be in shock.  Why don’t you let me send for Reverend Jones or Mr. Davies?  One of them can look for Mr. Cartwright.”

“Yes, send for Reverend Jones,” Bronwen managed to get out but as soon the nurse left her alone she gazed at her child’s lifeless body and broke down again.”

At dawn Dafydd was on his way to the hospital from the Cartwright home when he saw his father-in-law walking blindly down the street.  “Tada, wait,” he called.  When Adam showed no signs of hearing him, he quickly crossed the street and grasped Adam’s arm.  “Tada, has something happened?”

“Penny died,” Adam replied in a flat, emotionless voice.  “My baby girl died.”

“I am so sorry, Tada,” Dafydd said gently.  “I know how much you loved her, but you’ll be reunited again someday.”

“Just as I’ll be reunited with my mother and my two stepmothers and my brother,” Adam replied bitterly.

Dafydd chose to ignore his tone for now and asked, “Where is mam?”

Adam looked confused for a moment until he realized that he had left Bronwen at the hospital with Penny.  “At the hospital,” he replied.

“She needs you now so I think we’d better go back there, don’t you?” Dafydd suggested softly, keeping his hand on his father-in-law’s arm.  He was concerned about Adam’s behavior, which was most atypical.  Adam’s appearance also troubled Dafydd for his father-in-law was unnaturally pale.

“Yes,” Adam said woodenly.  “I will have to make the arrangements.”

“I’ll help you and so will Uncle Rhys,” Dafydd said firmly and slowly Adam nodded and allowed his son-in-law to lead him back to the hospital.

At the hospital, Dafydd consoled Bronwen while Adam stared at the earthly remains of his beloved child.  The nurse had seen Dafydd return with Adam and after a few minutes she entered the room with a large mug of hot, very sweet tea.  “Mr. Cartwright,” she said, placing her hand on his arm.  “I want you to drink this.”  When he didn’t respond, she put his hands around the mug. “Drink this tea now,” she said firmly and mechanically he lifted the mug to his mouth and swallowed.   She watched to make sure he drank all the hot sweet drink and then she took the mug away, giving the family privacy for their grief.

Just as they were about to leave, Dr. Brooke entered the room.  “I want to express my sincerest sympathy,” he said quietly.

“Thank you, doctor,” Bronwen said.  “I know you did all you could for Penny.”

“Before you leave, I would like to examine you, Mr. Cartwright.”  Adam didn’t respond so Dr. Brooke gently sat him in one of the empty chairs.  He noted that Adam’s complexion was very pale and his skin felt clammy.  He placed his fingers on Adam’s wrist but his pulse was too faint, so he put his fingers on Adam’s neck and felt his weak but rapid pulse.  He asked Adam to remove his coat and after he repeated the question Adam did as requested.  Dr. Brooke then rolled up Adam’s sleeve and turning to the nurse who had followed him in with a tray, he picked up a needle and syringe.  “You are in shock, Mr. Cartwright, so I am going to give you an injection of saline solution.”  He turned to Bronwen.  “I’ll come by this afternoon to give him another injection.  Please make sure he drinks plenty of water or other fluids for the next day or so.”  She nodded and they left the hospital.

When they returned from the hospital, Adam and Bronwen broke the news to Beth and Gwyneth first while Dafydd told the Davies. 

Beth broke down immediately and Bronwen put her arms about her firstborn to comfort her.  Gwyneth tried to be strong and hold back her tears like her father, but her sadness was too profound.  She turned to her mother and sister, who held out their arms to her, and the three of them wept together.  Adam stood by impassive and remote.  When the women were able to control their tears, Bronwen said unsteadily, “We must tell A.C.”

“He’s playing in his room right now, but he’s been asking about Penny all morning,” Gwyneth said tearfully.  “He wants to know when she’ll be coming home.”

“Do you want us to be with you when you tell him?” Beth asked.

“I think that might be best,” Bronwen replied.  She looked at Adam to get his opinion but she wasn’t sure he had even heard Beth. She put her hand on his arm and said, “We’ll all go together and explain to A.C. that Penny has gone to heaven.”  He merely nodded his head.

A.C. was playing with his Noah’s Ark, waiting impatiently for his mama and daddy to come home with Penny.  Gwyneth, Bethy and Dafydd had all told him Penny was very sick so Mama and Daddy had taken her to the hospital and they were staying there with her until she was well enough to come home.  He heard footsteps and he looked up to see Mama and Daddy in the doorway.  He jumped up and ran to them, and Mama leaned over and kissed him and hugged him.  Daddy only stroked his hair.  A.C. looked up at them and he could see Mama had been crying, which frightened him, as did the faraway look on Daddy’s face, like he wasn’t even seeing him.  He looked around for Penny, but only saw Bethy and Gwyneth.  “Where’s Penny?” he said anxiously.

Mama walked over to the rocking chair and sat down.  “Come sit on my lap, A.C. bach,” she said and her voice sounded funny to A.C., like she was trying not to cry.  Anxiously he climbed up on her lap and looked at the other faces.  He could see Bethy and Gwyneth had been crying too, and a hard little knot began to form in his stomach.

“Bethy and Gwyneth told you that Penny was very sick, didn’t they?” Bronwen asked and he nodded slowly.   “Sometimes, people get so sick that they can’t get better, and so Jesus takes them to be with Him in heaven.”

“Like Grandma,” he said, remembering the lady in the photograph that looked like Miranda.  Grandpa had told him she was his grandma—Daddy’s mama—and she had gone to heaven when Daddy was a little baby.

“That’s right.  Like your grandma.  Penny was sick like that so Jesus took her to heaven with him.”

“No!” he said loudly.  “I don’t want Penny to be in heaven.  I want Penny to come home!”

“So do I, but she can’t,” his father said bleakly.  “She’s gone and nothing can bring her back.”

A.C. turned frightened eyes to his mama’s face.  “We all wish she could be with us, but she is in heaven with Jesus and Grandma, Grandma Inger, Grandma Marie and Uncle Hoss.”  Bronwen hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.  “Penny told Daddy and me to tell you and your sisters that she loved you very much. Her body is coming home so we can say goodbye to her before we bury her.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye,” he sobbed, throwing his arms around his mama’s neck. 

Adam stroked his son’s hair softly once and then left the room silently as the others began to weep.  Gwyneth, wanting her father’s comfort, followed Adam into the hall.

“Are you all right, Daddy?” she asked anxiously.

“No, I’m not,” he answered in a tone devoid of emotion.  “I’m going with your uncle and Dafydd to make the final arrangements,” and he left her standing in the hallway, tears filling her eyes.

She went back into A.C.’s room, where her mother was rocking the sobbing child.  Bronwen and Beth had managed to control their tears, and when Gwyneth reentered the room, Bronwen said quietly, “I think we should bury Penny in the dress she wore to the wedding.”

“Yes,” Gwyneth said.  “It was her favorite and,” her voice shook and she tried to steady it, “she looked so pretty in it.”

“Could you watch A.C. while I take it to the hospital and dress Penny?”  Beth and Gwyneth nodded so Bronwen continued.  “Daddy dressed her in the frock I took to the hospital for her, but I know she’d want to be buried in her prettiest dress.”

“And her locket,” Beth added.

“Oh yes, she loved her locket,” Bronwen said and smiled as she remembered Penny’s joy when she’d received the little gold locket for her twelfth birthday.

A.C. had stopped sobbing and was listening.  “Penny would want to have ’Toria and ’Xandra so she can play with them,” he said quietly.

“Yes, she would,” Bronwen replied gently and kissed his tearstained cheek.  “When you say goodbye to Penny, you may give her Victoria and Alexandra.”

“I’ll get her things ready for you, Mama,” Beth said and Bronwen nodded her thanks.  In a few minutes, Beth returned with a valise.

“A.C. bach, Mama is going to go to the hospital to dress Penny so I’m leaving you here with Bethy and Gwyneth.  Be a good boy for them.”

“I want to go with you, Mama,” he begged, his eyes again filling with tears.

“I’m sorry, bachgennyn, but children aren’t allowed at the hospital.  I’ll be back as soon as I can.  Bethy and Gwyneth will take care of you while I’m gone.”  She hugged him and he nodded his acceptance.  Then he asked anxiously, “Where’s Daddy?”

“He’s with Uncle Rhys and Dafydd; he said they’re making the final arrangements,” Gwyneth answered, and Bronwen and Beth nodded their understanding.  A.C. said fearfully, “I want Daddy.”

“He’ll be home later,” Bronwen replied handing him to Beth and giving each of her precious children a goodbye kiss.

Bronwen returned from the hospital to be greeted by her tearful son.  Matilda and Llywelyn had come over to offer their support and they had helped Beth and Gwyneth comfort A.C.  A little later Adam, Rhys and Dafydd returned accompanying Penny’s body.  The small coffin was placed in the drawing room on the credenza and the family prepared to say their final goodbye before their friends and neighbors arrived for the wake.  Bronwen quietly took A.C. to the dining room to talk with him as Rhys and Dafydd removed the lid from the casket.

“A.C. bach, we are going to say goodbye to Penny and you may give her Victoria and Alexandra, but Mama wants to talk with you first.  When you see Penny, it looks like she is sleeping, but she’s not.  Penny is in heaven; we’re saying goodbye to the shell she left behind.  It’s like when you found the old cocoon in the backyard and Daddy told you that the butterfly didn’t need it anymore so he left it behind.”  A.C. looked at her uncertainly but Bronwen decided to wait and answer any questions after he said goodbye to Penny.  “Let’s go upstairs and get Victoria and Alexandra so you can give them to Penny.”

When Bronwen and A.C. returned, the entire family walked into the drawing room together.  Beth and Gwyneth approached the coffin first and Dafydd was behind them to offer them comfort.  When Beth saw her little sister’s lifeless form, her animated face now still and expressionless, she gave a loud cry of anguish and Dafydd took her in his arms and held her.  Gwyneth’s grief was just as profound but she stood and gazed at her sister, the tears streaming down her face as she cried silently.  She bent over and kissed Penny’s cold cheek and whispered through her tears, “Goodbye, Penny.  I’m going to miss you so much.”  Bronwen and Adam indicated that the Davies should go next while they stood with A.C. between them, clutching Penny’s dolls in his arms and gazing apprehensively at the grieving adults. 

Rhys wept unashamedly as he gazed at his little niece, always so full of life, now forever at rest.  He kissed her cheek and kept his arm about his wife, who was sobbing quietly.  Matilda managed to control her tears enough to kiss her little niece farewell and then she wept in her husband’s arms just as Beth was weeping in her husband’s.  Llywelyn was also crying and he whispered brokenly, “Goodbye, Penny,” before bending down and dropping a light kiss on her forehead.

Dafydd was still consoling his distraught wife so Adam and Bronwen approached the coffin with A.C. between them.  Adam lifted his son so he could look at his sister a last time.  At first, A.C. thought Mama was wrong; Penny was sleeping.  However, as he gazed at her face, he realized what Mama meant.  Penny wasn’t there anymore and he started crying.  “Come back, Penny.  Please come back.” 

“She can’t come back, son,” Adam said quietly.  “Give her Victoria and Alexandra and kiss her goodbye.”

Still sobbing A.C. put the dolls down, one on either side of Penny, and then he kissed her cold, lifeless cheek.  Adam stepped back and held his sobbing son giving Bronwen a chance to say her farewell.

She looked at her youngest daughter, who had always been so cheerful and so lively, and the pain was so great she thought she couldn’t bear it.  Oh, Penny, how can I say goodbye?  How can I bear to go on day after day and not see your smiling face, never see the woman you would have become?  I am so sorry for all the times I scolded you when you didn’t really deserve it.  Oh my darling little girl, I’d give anything to have you back!  She kissed Penny’s forehead and softly caressed her cheek before stepping back so Adam could say his goodbye.

He handed the weeping A.C. to Bronwen and then walked over to the coffin.  He saw his baby girl dressed in the lovely gown of pale green taffeta that she had worn so proudly to her sister’s wedding, with the tiny heart-shaped gold locket he and Bronwen had given her for her last birthday around her neck.  The beautiful violet eyes, so like her mother’s, were now closed forever and the vivaciousness that had given her features their charm was gone.  Gazing down, all he felt was a terrible numbness.  When I said I wanted you to stay my little girl, I never meant this.  Oh, Kitten, how could you leave me?  He stroked Penny’s long hair gently with his fingertips and then bent and kissed her cheek.

Even while he comforted his bride, Dafydd watched his father-in-law.  Dafydd knew how much Adam had loved Penny and he was concerned that he hadn’t seen Adam cry or show any emotion since Penny’s death.  However, at the moment, his primary concern was his wife.  “Bethan, anwyld, can you tell Penny goodbye now?” he asked softly.  Beth drew a shuddering breath and nodded.  She leaned heavily on him as she walked back to the coffin.  “Oh, little sister, I wish there were some way to bring you back.  We’re all going to miss you so much,” she whispered brokenly and then dropped a kiss on Penny’s cheek.  Dafydd did the same but did not voice his farewell. I know you are in a better place, Penny fach, but your family will never forget you.  Rest in peace, little sister.

A.C. was too distraught to attend the wake so Mary took him upstairs and stayed with him until he fell asleep.  Dr. Brooke came by as promised and, after checking Adam’s pulse, gave him another saline injection.  Just before the wake, Bronwen had Nell fix Adam a large cup of hot, sweet tea and then made sure he drank it.

Neighbors, friends and most of the men who worked for Adam and Rhys came to the wake.  Mark had genuinely liked Penny and when his father came home that evening and told the family that the youngest Cartwright daughter had died and that he was going to the wake, Mark asked if he could accompany him.

“I expect you knew the child, didn’t you?” his father asked slowly.

“Yes, I did, Dad.  She was a nice girl and I know the whole family must be very sad.  I’d like to tell them how sorry I am that Penny died.  She was only a year older than Tamsyn,” he added referring to his youngest sister.

“It’s a hard thing to lose a child,” Mrs. Pentreath said sadly, for she had lost three.  Her firstborn had died of diphtheria when he was five months old, her fourth child had died of influenza at age six and her youngest had died of an unknown wasting disease just before they’d moved to Cloncurry.  Only Mark and his two sisters, Demelza and Tamsyn, survived.

“I think it’s fitting that you come with me,” Mr. Pentreath said solemnly.  “We’ll eat a bite of supper and change into our best clothes to show respect.”

When Mark and his father arrived at the Cartwrights’ home, they saw how many others had come to pay their respects.  They noted their neighbors, the MacGregors, and young Ian weeping bitter tears.  (Mark remembered Gwyneth sharing with him that Ian was always telling Penny he was going to marry her when they grew up.)  Mark noted that Gwyneth, her sister and mother had eyes red and swollen from weeping while Mr. Cartwright’s face looked as though it had been carved from stone it was so expressionless and remote. Looking at Penny’s lifeless form in her coffin reminded Mark of the siblings he had lost, and his eyes filled with tears so that he had to blink very fast to hold them back.  He walked over to Gwyneth and Llywelyn who were standing together.

“I am so sorry,” he said haltingly, feeling utterly useless.

“Thank you for coming,” Gwyneth said in a voice thick with tears.  “I can’t believe Penny is gone.  It was so sudden.”

“She’ll be sorely missed,” he replied taking one of her slender hands with its long fingers in his own.  “She was such a lively, friendly little girl.”

“Yes, she was,” Gwyneth said, smiling just a little.  “She loved to laugh.  I remember the time she put sugar in the salt shaker and the look on Daddy’s face when he took the first bite of the green beans that he thought he’d salted.”

Matilda was standing nearby and overheard.  “I remember the time I was showing her how to sew a shirt for A.C.  She worked so hard and then we discovered that she’d sewn the shirt to her dress.”  Matilda smiled at the memory of Penny’s face that had first registered surprise and then amusement at what she’d done.

“She was always so delighted when she’d give A.C. the Old Bachelor card,” Llywelyn said with a little grin.

“And you always knew when she had the Old Bachelor; Daddy said she’d be a worse poker player than Uncle Joe,” Gwyneth added.

“She was very kind, too,” Mark stated quietly.  “My little sister, Tamsyn, told me how the first day at school here, none of the other little girls invited her to play at recess.  Penny saw Tamsyn standing all alone and she asked her to skip rope with her and her friends.  Tamsyn never forgot that.”

Bronwen had come over to greet Mark, and when she heard him, she felt her eyes fill with tears.  “Thank you for sharing that, Mark.”

“She-she was a wonderful little girl, and I am so sorry for your loss, ma’am,” he said self-consciously.

Bronwen smiled sadly.  “Your sister¼ Is she about the same size as Penny?”  He nodded slowly.  “Next week, why don’t you bring Tamsyn here and she can pick out some of Penny’s dresses and take them home.  I know Penny would want her to have them.”

Mr. Pentreath had come for Mark and overheard Bronwen’s words.  “I thank you, ma’am, but I don’t think it would be fitting.”

“Please, Mr. Pentreath.  It would mean a great deal to our family to know that another little girl was able to use Penny’s clothing.  And it is what Penny would want,” Bronwen said earnestly.  After a moment’s hesitation, Mr. Pentreath nodded to show he acquiesced.

After the last person left, Adam turned to Bronwen and said abruptly, “I’m going for a ride.  Don’t wait up for me.’  She watched him walk out of the front door without a word of farewell.

Dafydd turned to Bronwen.  “Would you like Beth and me to stay until Tada returns?”

“No, I think it’s time Gwyneth and I went to bed,” Bronwen replied, for she felt drained.  She managed a faint smile.  “Adam said not to wait up, so it’s best that we don’t.”

“You are all in my prayers; you know that,” Dafydd said softly as he hugged first Bronwen and then Gwyneth.

“Thank you,” Bronwen replied, struggling to maintain her composure.

Beth couldn’t speak; she only hugged her mother and sister and fought to hold back her tears.  She walked out, supported by Dafydd’s strong arms.

Matilda was so overwrought that Rhys and Llywelyn had taken her home earlier.  Nell and Mary had remained quietly in the background in case they were needed.  Nell now said gently, “We’ll see you in the morning, ma’am.  I know none of you has much appetite, but you must eat.  Mary and I will fix a light breakfast for all of you.”

“Thank you,” Bronwen replied, hugging first Nell and then Mary.  “Mary, thank you for putting A.C. to bed for me,” she said and the young woman smiled sadly.

“It’s a terrible thing for all of us, ma’am.  We all loved Miss Penny.”

They left then, leaving Bronwen and Gwyneth alone.  “I want to sleep in Beth and Miranda’s old room,” Gwyneth said, her eyes filling with tears.  “I can’t sleep in our room.  I just keep thinking of Penny and missing her.”

Bronwen put her arm around her tall daughter’s waist.  “We’ll make Beth and Miranda’s old room yours.  I’ll help you change the linens.”

“No, I’ll do it myself,” Gwyneth replied.  Then she dropped her eyes.  “I just want some time alone,” and Bronwen nodded her understanding.

After Gwyneth went upstairs, Bronwen walked over to the open casket and looked again on her child’s still form, the dolls she had loved so much lying beside her.  There was no one there to be brave for, so she allowed herself to cry—gut-wrenching sobs and scalding tears that seared her face.  “Oh my baby! My baby!” she whispered hoarsely when she had no tears left.  “I don’t think I can bear losing you.  You were so precious to me and to your father.  I pray you always knew how deeply I loved you.  I know sometimes I was too strict, but that didn’t mean I loved you any less.  How I will miss your mischievous smile, the way you could wrap your daddy around your little finger.  Our family will never be the same without you, my Penny fach.”  She smoothed Penny’s hair one final time and pressed one final kiss on the cold, lifeless cheek before turning and walking upstairs.

She lay in their large, four-poster bed, unable to sleep.  She was worried about Adam.  She knew how much he had loved Penny and she was afraid that he was holding his grief inside.  She hoped he was able to cry when he was alone, but knowing him as she did, she feared he would not allow himself to seek the release of tears.  She eventually drifted to sleep but woke instantly when she heard him enter the room.  It was nearly dawn and he did not lie down; he simply sat in one of the window seats and stared at the sky.  She pretended to be asleep until she saw the first streaks of light in the east.

He turned his head when he heard her stir, but said nothing for a moment.  “I’ll go take care of the animals.  Tell Gwyneth I’ll do her barn chores as well.”

“All right,” she replied quietly.  “Nell and Mary are fixing a light breakfast because we must eat something before the funeral.  Afterward I suppose people will be bringing dishes by.”  He nodded almost imperceptibly and left the room.

The family forced themselves to eat some of the breakfast Nell and Mary prepared and Bronwen made sure Adam drank a cup of tea with plenty of sugar.  There had been no time to make mourning clothes so Bronwen and Gwyneth were dressed in dark-colored dresses, while Adam wore one of his black suits with a black crape armband and Bronwen dressed A.C. in the black velvet Fauntleroy suit he’d worn to Beth’s wedding, adding a black crape armband.  The Davies and Cartwrights rode together to the church for the funeral and then to the graveside service, following the hearse conveying Penny’s coffin.  Adam stood numbly as Penny’s small coffin was lowered into the ground and Dafydd intoned:

“Man that is born of a woman hath but a short time to live, and is full of misery. He cometh up, and is cut down, like a flower; he fleeth as it were a shadow, and never continueth in one stay.

In the midst of life we are in death: of whom may we seek for succor, but of thee, O Lord., who for our sins art justly displeased?”

What sins did my Penny commit that You were justly displeased with her?  She was only a child!  Why did You take her from me?  You took my mother, You took Mama and Marie and Hoss.  Weren’t they enough?  Will You leave me with nothing—nothing but the memories of those I’ve lost?

Adam’s face was expressionless as he helped A.C. throw a handful of earth on Penny’s coffin after Bronwen, Beth and Gwyneth performed this final ritual.  He then threw his own, only partially aware of Dafydd’s voice in the background:

“Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take out of this world the soul of our sister, Penelope Jane, here departed, we therefore commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in a firm belief of the Resurrection of the dead at the last day, in which they who die in the Lord shall rise again to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ; who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself.”

Adam stood at the open grave lost in a fugue until he became aware of Bronwen’s gentle touch on his arm.  He realized the others were departing and said, “I’ll join you later,” in the same flat voice he’d used ever since Penny’s death.  Bronwen nodded her understanding although she wanted the comfort of his presence desperately.  She rejoined the family and indicated they should leave.  Rhys picked up the sobbing A.C., who was now too big for Bronwen to carry.

“I want Daddy,” A.C. wailed, squirming to get down and run to Adam.

“Your daddy wants a chance to be alone with Penny,” Rhys said soothingly.  “He’ll be along soon.” 

A.C., however, refused to be mollified and kept struggling to get down.  “Here, let me take him,” Gwyneth offered.  After a moment’s hesitation, Rhys gave his little nephew to the niece who now stood two inches taller than he did.  A.C. quieted in his sister’s arms.  When they reached the surrey, Gwyneth gave him to Bronwen, who was already seated, to hold.  Bronwen enfolded her baby in her arms and comforted him, looking back once at her husband’s solitary figure standing by the freshly dug grave.

Adam stood at Penny’s open grave, the warm spring sun shining down on him.  All around him were the signs of new life, mocking his grief.  He looked down at the small coffin and saw again, in his mind’s eye, the beloved form that it contained.  “I can’t believe you are gone, Kitten.  I can remember so vividly the first time I held you in my arms.  You were so tiny.  When I looked at your face, I knew you were going to look like your mama, and I was so pleased.  I’d wanted a little girl who was the image of her mother.  When I knew your eyes were going to be violet just like hers, I was thrilled.”

“I remember the first time you smiled at me—you were younger than any of your sisters were when they smiled for the first time—and your whole face just lit up because you were so happy to see me.  I think your mama was a little jealous that I was the first one you smiled for.  You were such a happy baby and a joyful child.  Mama thought I spoiled you and maybe I did a little.  It was so hard for me to deny you anything when you looked at me with those enormous eyes, so full of love and trust.  You were a good girl, bright and outgoing.  No one was a stranger to you.”

His previous anger at a God who would allow an innocent child to suffer an agonizing death reasserted itself as he said, “It is unfair that your life was cut off so abruptly.  Your mother believes you are in a better place.  I hope she is right, and I hope we will be reunited some day.”  Then his voice became very gentle as he said, “Goodbye, Kitten.  Never forget that Daddy will always love you.”

He turned away from the grave.  The last thing in the world he wanted was to hear neighbors and friends express their sympathy, but he knew it wasn’t fair to leave Bronwen to deal with them alone.  Slowly, he forced himself to leave the cemetery and begin the walk to their house.

Chapter 2

The next few days were bleak ones for the entire Cartwright family.  Each member grieved in his or her own way.  Beth began spending more time at her parents’ house, needing the comfort of her family as well as her husband.  She and her mother would talk about Penny as they sewed mourning clothes and sharing memories eased their sorrow.  Gwyneth attended school, but she couldn’t concentrate.  She avoided Llywelyn and Mark and went for long solitary rides in the afternoons, often finding herself at Penny’s grave.  Sometimes, though, she would join her oldest sister and mother and she, too, found comfort in remembering her sister.  A.C. lost his exuberant independence and clung to his mother and sisters, crying when he was separated from them.  At night he had nightmares and would wake up screaming, so Bronwen began sleeping in his room.  Feeling her baby’s body curled next to hers brought her comfort and she was able to sleep a few hours each night. 

She longed to share her grief with Adam, but he wasn’t there.  He spent long hours at the mine and then he went for long rides returning home late at night after the others had gone to bed.  The family only saw him at breakfast.  He would sit at the table, silent and melancholy, ignoring the food and drinking a cup of strong tea.  When he finished, he would leave, sometimes without a word of farewell.  Bronwen was both worried that he clearly wasn’t eating or sleeping, and angry that when she and their children needed him so badly, he was oblivious to their pain.

The first Sunday after Penny’s death, Gwyneth and A.C. went upstairs to dress for church after breakfast.  Bronwen expected Adam would come up with her to dress, but instead he headed for the backdoor.

“Aren’t you coming up to change for church?” she asked hesitantly.

“I’m not going to church,” he announced flatly.

“But—“

“I won’t worship a God who robbed me and my brothers of our mothers so we never had a chance to know them, who took my brother’s life while he saved the lives of strangers, and who allowed my little girl to die in agony.”  He turned on his heel and left her.  She ran up the stairs, seeking the privacy of their bedroom, so her children wouldn’t see her tears.

She fought to regain her self-control and was just securing her bonnet with its black veil when there was a tentative knock at the bedroom door.  “Come in,” she called. 

Like her mother, Gwyneth was dressed in a plain gown of black bombazine trimmed with black crape and wearing a bonnet with a black veil, signifying they were in deep mourning.  A.C. wore a knickerbocker suit of black broadcloth with a black crape armband.

“Where’s Daddy?” he asked looking about the room.

“Daddy won’t be joining us,” Bronwen answered in a flat tone.  When Gwyneth started to question her, she cut her off curtly.  “I don’t want to talk about it, Gwyneth.  Let’s go so we won’t be late.”

The Davies noticed Adam’s absence but tactfully refrained from commenting on it.  After the service, many of their friends asked after Adam, and Bronwen replied that he was ill.  He is, she told herself; he is sick with grief.  Later she confided her concern to Dafydd in private.

“I’m not surprised that Tada is angry with God, Mam, but God understands his pain.  I’m more concerned that Tada is withdrawing from the family.  He needs us as much as we need him; however, that is a realization he must arrive at himself.  All we can do is continue to pray for him.”

That evening when Gwyneth went to do her barn chores, she discovered Muffin’s stall was empty.  (She had been caring for the pony and giving her carrots as Penny always had; Muffin ate the carrots, but she was always disappointed that it was Gwyneth who fed them to her.)  Gwyneth saw Adam was milking their cow and hesitantly she approached him. 

“Muffin’s not in her stall, Daddy,” she said quietly.

“I know.  I took her to the Dawsons and asked Mr. Dawson to find her a new owner.”  He hadn’t been able to endure seeing the pony looking for Penny, disappointed when it was always Gwyneth who curried and brushed her and brought her carrots.  Gwyneth, however, understood without words and she agreed with his decision for it was breaking her heart as well to see the pony looking for her mistress.  Gwyneth wanted to talk with her daddy about their loss, but he seemed to look right through her as though she didn’t exist so she said nothing and they did the chores in an unhappy silence.

The next morning when Adam and Gwyneth returned from their chores, Bronwen was waiting for them at the backdoor.  “Go on and wash up, Gwyneth.  I need to speak with Daddy for a moment.”  As soon as Gwyneth had gone into the bathhouse, Bronwen turned to her husband.  “Unless you object, I’m going through Penny’s things today to decide what to keep and what to give away.”

He nodded mechanically and then he said in the lifeless voice he always spoke in now, “Keep the pink dress Matilda and Rhys gave her for her birthday, the treasure box that Pa made for her and her Graces game.  And I don’t want you to give away the dollhouse.”

“I wouldn’t give the dollhouse away,” Bronwen replied, stung.  “Cariad,” she said gently, placing her hand on his arm, but he simply walked by her into the house.

When Beth came by soon after breakfast, Bronwen said quietly, “I’m going to go through Penny’s things and decide what to keep and what to give away.  Would you like to help me?”

“Yes.  I’d like to choose a memento that I could keep,” Beth said in an unsteady voice.

“Certainly.”  Bronwen turned to Gwyneth who hadn’t left for school yet.  “Would you also like to choose a memento?”  Gwyneth nodded wordlessly.

“What’s a ’mento, Mama?” A.C. asked in a subdued tone.

“Something to remember Penny by,” his mother replied softly.  “Would you like to choose something of Penny’s to be your memento?”  The little boy nodded his head slowly.  “Can I have Bunny?” he asked, referring to the brown velvet rabbit Penny had received for her first birthday.  She hadn’t played with the stuffed toy in years, but until she’d turned ten she’d always slept with Bunny.  Even after she’d decided she was too big to sleep with a toy, she wouldn’t put the velvet rabbit up in the toy chest but set it at the foot of her bed.

“Yes, you may have Bunny,” Bronwen replied, bending over and kissing his rosy cheek.

“I’d like her paper dolls,” Gwyneth said softly.  “She loved them almost as much as she did Victoria and Alexandra.”

“We’ll set those aside for you,” Bronwen promised with a faint smile.  “Now, you’d better be on your way so you aren’t late to school.  Tell Mark to bring his little sister here after school.”  As Gwyneth left, Bronwen said to A.C., “I’d like for you to stay with Nell and Mary for a while, bachgennyn.  You can watch them do the laundry.  Would you do that for Mama?”

His chin and lower lip quivered, but he nodded.  “Nell,” Bronwen called and the older woman came into the kitchen smiling.  “Master A.C., you come with me and Mary and I will show you how we wash all the dirty laundry.”  Reluctantly, the little boy allowed himself to be separated from his mama and sister.

It was a painful task, but Bronwen and Beth carefully went through Penny’s belongings.  It took time because they would break down in tears at the memories some articles evoked. Beth decided to take the hairbrushes she and Gwyneth had given Penny for her last birthday as well as the sampler Penny had embroidered so painstakingly under her oldest sister’s tutelage.  Bronwen sat aside the jumping jack she and Adam had helped A.C. make for Penny to give A.C. along with Bunny.  For Miranda, she chose the book she had given Penny for her twelfth birthday, Beautiful Joe.  Penny had cried as she’d read the cruelties described in the book but she had declared it her favorite story.  Along with the book, Bronwen selected the miniature set of china that Penny had used for her doll tea parties.  She would take them to Miranda in the spring when they went to Boston for her graduation from the Girls’ Latin School.

Except for the pink muslin dress, its matching hair ribbon and the knickerbockers Penny had used for riding, Bronwen decided to give away all of Penny’s clothes.  There were other little girls Penny’s size in addition to Tamsyn Pentreath who would appreciate having one of her pretty dresses, blouses or skirts.  Their parents would be glad of Penny’s petticoats, stockings and shoes.  Bronwen knew it would hurt at first seeing other little girls wearing Penny’s clothes, but she also knew that Penny was a generous child who would want other little girls whose parents couldn’t afford to buy them lovely clothes to be able to wear hers. 

Bronwen and Beth were both emotionally drained when they finished going through Penny’s belongings.  Dafydd stopped by and joined them for dinner.  He stayed to talk with his mother-in-law after she put A.C. down for his nap and Gwyneth had returned to school.  Bronwen explained that she was letting Mark’s little sister choose some of Penny’s clothes for her own.  “You know better than I which other little girls could make use of Penny’s clothing, so after Tamsyn makes her choice, I’ll let you dispose of the rest.”

“It’s very generous of you, Mam.  I hate to ask this, but Tada has agreed, hasn’t he?” Dafydd asked hesitantly.

“Yes.  I spoke to him this morning.  Mornings are the only chance I have to speak with him.”

“He’s still spending most of his time away from home?” Dafydd asked quietly while Beth gazed at her mother anxiously.”

“Yes.  He’s here physically in the mornings, but his mind is elsewhere.  I know he is hurting, but we all are,” Bronwen said, her voice ending in a sob.  “A.C. cries for him at bedtime; Adam always tucked him in and told him a bedtime story.  Now, it feels like the rest of us don’t exist for him.”

“Each of us grieves in his own way, Mam,” Dafydd said gently.  “We must be patient with Tada.  I fear he is hurting so badly now that he really is blind to the feelings of others.”

“I can understand that and Gwyneth can, but A.C. is too young,” Bronwen said and felt her eyes filling with tears.

“Bethan and I will try to spend more time with him; perhaps that will prevent him from feeling abandoned,” Dafydd replied tentatively.

“Perhaps,” Bronwen said, but there was no conviction in her voice.

·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·

It was a beautiful October afternoon:  the cloudless sky was a blue so brilliant it almost hurt to look at it and the air was crisp and invigorating.  Dr. Paul Martin was paying his weekly visit to his old friend, Ben Cartwright.  The two elderly men were retired now but every Wednesday afternoon Paul would drive his buggy out to the Ponderosa where he and Ben would have dinner together and then spend the afternoon playing chess or cribbage and reminiscing.  

Ben was sitting on the front porch waiting when his old friend drove up.  “Joe,” he called to his son, who was home working on the books—a task he enjoyed just as much as his father always had.  “Paul’s here.  Can you take care of his horse for him?”

Joe eagerly put down his pencil and smiled at his six-year-old daughter.  Sarah was sitting on the other side of the desk working on her penmanship since she was too young to attend school in Carson City with her older brother.  “You wanna help me put up Dr. Martin’s horse?”

“Sure, Daddy,” she replied with a grin that matched his own.

Ben’s arthritis was getting worse so it took him much longer to get to his feet and walk over to his friend.

“Hi, Dr. Martin,” Sarah said with a grin just like her father’s as she ran up to greet their guest.  “Me and Daddy are gonna take care of your horse.”

“Daddy and I,” Ben corrected automatically.

“Glad you’re here, Joe,” Paul said with an enormous smile.  “I’ve got a letter from Adam.  Thought we could read it before dinner if you were here.”

“Sure thing.  Let’s hurry, Sarah, so we can read Uncle Adam’s letter.”

Soon the four Cartwrights—Ben, Joe, Sarah and Annabelle—and Dr. Martin were gathered in the great room.  “Son, your eyes are better than mine,” Ben said quietly.  “Why don’t you read it?” and he handed Joe the letter.  Joe looked at the single sheet and thought that his brother was definitely getting older as his normally precise penmanship was shaky and somewhat difficult to read.

September 12, 1893

Dear Family,

I have some very difficult news to share with you.  I don’t know of any way to soften the blow so I won’t try.  My Penny died three days ago...

Joe’s voice trailed off and he dropped the letter to the floor.  Paul Martin looked quickly at his old friend and saw the color had drained from his face and Joe didn’t look much better. 

“Annabelle, get them some brandy.  Quickly,” he commanded.  She got up, still in a state of shock herself, and poured some brandy in two glasses.  She handed one to Paul, who managed to get a little down Ben’s throat, and she took the other to Joe, who finished it in one gulp.  Then she poured a glass for herself and drank it quickly before sitting beside her husband.  Sarah looked fearfully at the adults, not quite understanding what had just happened.

Ben, slightly recovered now due to the brandy, said weakly, “Finish the letter.”

“Why don’t I read it,” Paul suggested and he picked the piece of stationary off the floor.

... She developed appendicitis.  Dr. Brooke removed the appendix surgically, but it had already perforated and the infection spread so she developed peritonitis.  I had to watch my baby girl suffer and die, and there was nothing I could do.  We buried her yesterday.

Adam

Sarah looked in confusion at the adults.  “Penny can’t be dead.  What does Uncle Adam mean?”

Seeing all the Cartwrights were in a state of shock, Paul spoke gently to the little girl.  “I’m afraid Penny is dead, Sarah.  It is very sad but sometimes even children do get sick and die.”

“But I just saw her when we were in Queensland.  We played with her dollhouse and we had tea parties for her dolls.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he said, “but Penny got sick very quickly and there was nothing her doctor, or any doctor, could do.  She is in heaven now.”

“With Grandma and Uncle Hoss?” she asked in a quavering voice while tears rolled down her chubby cheeks.

“That’s right, Sugar,” Ben said in an unsteady voice.  “Penny is with Uncle Hoss and your grandma and Grandma Inger and her own grandma.”

“Uncle Adam and Aunt Bronwen must be awful sad,” she said mournfully.

“I know they are,” Joe said, picking his little girl up and holding her on his lap.  Oh God, Adam, I can only imagine what you must be feeling.  I couldn’t bear it if I lost my precious angel, he thought as he held Sarah close and kissed her soft cheek.  “Beth and Gwyneth and A.C. must be very sad, too.”

“Miranda,” Ben said suddenly.  “She needs her family with her now.”

“Not you, old friend,” Paul said gently.  “Not unless you want the family mourning your loss as well as Penny’s.”

“I’ll go to Boston,” Annabelle said.  “Pa is right; she needs one of us with her.”

“You and I and Sarah will go,” Joe replied.  “Benj can stay here with Pa.”  He saw his father reluctantly nod his assent and said, “I’m going into town to get us tickets on the first train we can get to Boston.”

“Now, Ben, I want you to lie down on the settee,” Paul said firmly after noting his old friend’s pale complexion and monitoring his faint but rapid pulse.  “Buckshot!” he called and the cook came out of the kitchen.  “I want you to fix a pot of coffee,” and the cook nodded and hurried back to the kitchen.  “Joe, before you leave, I want you to drink some coffee.  I want Ben and Annabelle to drink some as well.  When you get to town, Joe, stop by Dr. Pascoe’s office and ask him to come see your father.”  Ben was lying on the settee so Paul asked Annabelle to bring him the blanket off the stairs and then he tucked it around Ben.

After Joe had left and Annabelle had taken a tearful Sarah to her room to comfort her, Ben turned to his old friend.  “Paul, there are several packets of letters in the top right-hand drawer of my desk.  Would you find the ones from Penny, and bring them to me, please.  And bring me the photograph of all of us at Beth’s wedding please.”

With a nod, Paul did as Ben requested and brought him the photograph and the packet.  Ben gazed at the photograph first.  It was a double frame and on one side showed the happy bride and groom surrounded by their parents and on the other was one of Beth and all the Cartwrights.  Ben’s gaze fastened on Penny’s smiling face as she stood by her little brother in front of their parents, and he noticed the way his son’s hands rested affectionately on his little girl’s shoulders.  His eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears, Ben turned to the packet of letters and opened the letter on top, the last letter he would ever receive from his cherished granddaughter.

August 1, 1893

Dear Grandpa,

I just wanted to write and tell you how glad I was that you could come for Beth’s wedding.  It was so wonderful having all my grandparents and almost all my aunts and uncles and cousins visiting.  I love you all so much and I wish you all lived closer to us so we could see you all the time just like we do Uncle Rhys and Aunt Matilda.

Gwyneth, A.C. and I have been to visit Beth several times at the rectory.  (We always go at tea time because Beth bakes such delicious biscuits or cookies as Daddy calls them.)  Usually Dafydd has tea with us.  He likes Beth’s biscuits, too, and she’s been scolding him because he’s gaining weight.  They are going for walks again just like they did before they got married.  They’ve invited all of us to dinner twice.  I could tell Beth was a little nervous the first time, but everything was beaut, and Daddy told her she was a wonderful hostess.  (She invited us first and now she’s had several other families to dinner.)

It still seems so strange though that Beth doesn’t live with us anymore.  First, Miranda went walkabout and now Beth.  I guess Gwyneth will be next.  (I told her that and she just rolled her eyes.)

I’m back in school now.  I thought I’d grown this winter, but I’m still the smallest person in my class.  That Ian MacGregor is still saying he is going to marry me when we grow up.  At least he hasn’t tried to kiss me again because I told him my daddy would have a talk with his parents if he did.

Give my love to Uncle Joe, Aunt Annabelle, Benj and Sarah.  Tell Sarah I miss our tea parties.

I love you, Grandpa.

Penny

Ben sobbed quietly as he thought of Penny’s liveliness and charm, now lost to them forever.  He knew the agony he had suffered—the pain he still felt—at Hoss’s death and now his firstborn, who had already suffered too many losses, must endure the worst of all—the death of a beloved child.

·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·   ·

It was a typically damp, chilly autumn day with a blustery wind in Boston.  Miranda and Charlotte hurried inside the Alden townhouse.  Both girls noted that Robertson’s expression was even more somber than usual.  The footman took their coats and Robertson said soberly, “Mrs. Alden asked to see you as soon as you arrived, Miss Miranda.  She’s waiting for you in the library.”

The Aldens’ library was larger and grander than the Cartwrights’ but the ambiance was sterile and uninviting as the room was seldom used.  Mrs. Alden was sitting on the horsehair sofa and she looked sad.

“Come sit beside me, Miranda,” she said in a very gentle tone.  Miranda felt a frisson of fear as she sat carefully by Mrs. Alden.  “I received a letter from your mother today,” Mrs. Alden began and Miranda looked surprised.  “She enclosed a letter for you, but she asked me to be with you when you read it because it contains very sad news.”

Miranda’s stomach began to clench in dread as she took the letter from Mrs. Alden’s hand.  Mrs. Alden saw the blood drain from her face, leaving it as white as the pages that slipped from her limp fingers.  She was prepared for this reaction and had her smelling salts at hand.

“Darling, we all grieve with you,” she said gently after she had revived Miranda from her faint.  “Penny’s death is a terrible tragedy.  I remember what a sweet little girl she was when I met her.”

“I can’t believe she’s dead—she’s been dead for a month and I never knew.  I just saw her at the wedding; she wasn’t sick then.”

“No.  Appendicitis comes on very suddenly without any warning apparently.  At least your parents were there with her when she passed.  That must have been some comfort to her.”

“I-I’d like to go to my room; I need to be alone,” Miranda said unsteadily.  “Please excuse me from supper.  I couldn’t eat.”

“Very well, but I’m having a pot of tea sent up to your room and I want you to drink some.  You must eat some breakfast in the morning.  I’ll write a note to Miss Bradford excusing you from classes tomorrow.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Miranda managed to get out, her eyes filling with tears.  She ran to her room with Doodle at her heels.  She lay face down on her bed and cried while the little dog sat at the foot of the bed and watched her with sad and adoring eyes.   When her tears were spent, she got the photograph albums her parents had sent her each birthday she had been in Boston.  She gazed tearfully at the pictures of her darling little sister.  There was the picture of ten-year-old Penny sitting (or squirming as she recalled with a smile) and letting Beth wrap her hair in rags so it would curl.  Then there was the photograph of Penny standing on a stool so Beth could measure the hem in her dress.  Oh, how Penny always loved to get new clothes, Miranda recalled with a hint of a grin.  She and Beth.  The next photograph showed Penny and A.C. sitting on the swing on the verandah with Lady between them, grinning a doggy grin.  Then there was a photo of Penny playing backgammon with Daddy.  She was concentrating so hard that her eyebrows were drawn together in a frown and the tip of her tongue peeped out of her mouth.  Daddy looks so proud of her, Miranda thought.  I know we’ll all miss Penny, but it is worse for Daddy.

The next album showed an older Penny.  Daddy had taken a photograph of Penny and Mama together, and Miranda could see again how strongly Penny resembled Mama.  Looking at Mama in the photograph, Miranda could imagine what Penny would have looked like if she’d grown up and she found her eyes filling with tears again.  She quickly hunted for the next photograph.  This picture showed Penny playing Old Bachelor with A.C., Gwyneth and Llywelyn.  Penny was grinning hugely because she’d just given A.C. the Old Bachelor card, and A.C. was smiling from ear to ear because he wanted the card.  The next photo was of Penny, Gwyneth and Beth in their bathing costumes at the Cloncurry River.  Then there was a photograph of Penny and Gwyneth mucking out stalls in the stable in their work clothes.  Penny had borrowed one of A.C.’s caps and stuffed her hair under it just as Gwyneth had hers concealed beneath her Stetson so it looked like Miranda had three brothers instead of one.  Finally, there was a photograph of Penny dressed up in her birthday dress wearing the locket she’d received for her twelfth birthday.  Miranda closed the album then and felt her eyes fill wi